Clov.erfi.eld: Movie Review

Read at your own risk folks cause this here's a spoiler and it’s rather long. :-)

I'll start by saying this, if you like leaving the movie theater with a headache or watching one feeling somewhat dizzy, then this Bud's for you. Now this is not to say that I didn't like it (the movie not the headache) because for the most part I did but this isn't the normal feeling (physically or emotionally) one expects leave with after watching a movie.

If you've been to the movies within the past few months and have seen previews for this flick, you pretty much get the overall gist of what's going on. Some people are at a party in NYC, some stuff starts to blow up, and all hell begins to break loose all the while the events going on are being videotaped by a handheld camcorder. In case you didn't know, the entire movie is filmed with this thing. Let me repeat that....the.entire.movie.is.filmed.with.this.thing. I knew that going in that’s how it would be but in my mind I just expected or rather hoped it wouldn't. Weird...yeah I know. My brain is a many splendor thing.

At the beginning, it starts with a black screen with white text showing you that the U.S. Dept. of Defense had retrieved video from U.S. Area 447 formerly known as Central Park. This is pretty much tells you what happens at the end of the movie. A party is being thrown for a guy (I think his name was Rob) that is moving to Japan for a promotion he just received on his job by his brother and said brother's girlfriend Lilly. During the party, you are introduced to other random people namely, Marlena and also the guy behind the camera who videotaped most everything that went on, Hudd. He was hilarious for most of the film but I tell you one thing he was better than me because I would have dropped that camera a very long time before he did. lol There's also Beth who is introduced a tad bit earlier in the film but you really get the full understanding of the importance of her roll during the party. So you basically have 6 main characters throughout, Rob, Beth, Marlena, Hudd, Lilly and Rob's brother(I can't remember his name to save my life).

During the party, some relationship drama ensues between Rob and Beth (R&B). At the very beginning after the black screen, there is video of R&B that shows the last day they spent together as a couple. Throughout the movie during times when Hudd is not filming, you will see short little clips of that day. R&B have a lovers quarrel at the party, B leaves, there's a bit more partying and then BAM, you hear an explosion noise of some sort and then the lights blink on and off. People are screaming, crying, etc. etc. etc.

The party crowd and most of the neighbors in the building decide to head up to the roof to see what's going on. Everyone is standing around talking trying to figure out if it was another terrorist attack when BAM you see a building explode and flames shoot up in the sky over in the distance. Parts of the building (now that I think about it, it was probably several buildings but like I said the entire movie was filmed with a handheld so ummm I couldn't really focus, lol) start flying all over the place, namely in their direction. Folks started running back to the door to get inside and down to the ground level. Once there, there's lots of mayhem when out of nowhere comes flying the Statue of Liberty's head down the street. People didn't really have a lot of time to react because right after that the thing, which I now know as the Clo.ver.fie.ld monster (CM), came barreling down the street taking folks out. The main characters duck into a convenience store to avoid whatever is going on. After the thing goes away, they quickly decide they need to get the hell outta dodge and make a run for the Brooklyn Bridge (I believe).

On the bridge is where the first casualty takes place. Everyone gets somewhat separated when Rob receives a call from Beth (remember she left the party and went home). While Rob is on the phone, everyone is trying to gather back together as a group but it's rather hard with a gazillion other people pushing you in one direction. Rob's brother stands up on a light post thing, I guess so they could see him, then the next thing you know BAM!!! The CM takes the part of the bridge he was on out. Everyone runs in the other direction and back into town. When they get somewhere they can stop, Rob decides to run into an electronics store that had been broken into by looters (yeah you read that right) to get another battery for his cell since his had died.

Now on a side note, I thought you still had to charge the new batteries. *shrugs shoulders* That's Hollywood for you I suppose.

While in the store, everyone gets a first hand good look at the CM on tv. It's really big and looks like some sort of dinosaur about the size of a skyscraper and it's blowing flames and ish out it's mouth. Everyone else leaves the store except for the crew because Rob has to check his voicemail to see what Beth said. Apparently she is pinned underneath something and can't move. He and the crew (against better advice) decide to go and save her. While on their way they come face to face with the CM. Now of course, they had to stop and stare for a hot second, which gave them adequate time to see these parasite things (that look really similar to crabs) falling off of the CM. At first glance you think it's just shedding its skin until the things hit the ground and take off running after you. Ya'll should have seen the crew take off, I was in that movie hollerin!!! bwahahahahaha

So anyway, they go underground to the subway station and decide to walk the train tunnel to the next stop. They turn on the camera light so they can see a bit better. All of a sudden you see rats and lots of ‘em running for their lives. Almost everyone in the movie hollered out, ya’ll better start following those rats. Lol lol lol They stop again to turn the night vision on and begin to hear noises. Hudd (the camera guy) turns around and sees the things (that fell off of the monster) and tells everyone to run. As it turns out these lil suckers bite the ish out of you and kill you. The crew eventually makes it to a safe place and they discover that Marlena has been bitten pretty badly. After everyone gets their bearings they decide to leave the room and discover that they are at the stop they were trying to get to. As they walk, they discover a military safe place where injured people and dead bodies are being brought in. While the military is escorting them, Marlena says that she doesn’t feel well, the camera pans to her and there is blood coming out of her nose and eyes. The medical staff jacks her up and takes her behind a curtain where she proceeds to explode, I kid you not. Yuck!

Rob convinces one of the military staff to let them leave. As he shows them the way out, he tells them to be back there by 0600 hours if they don’t want to get blown to smithereens. So what’s left of the crew, Rob, Lilly, and Hudd, make their way to Beth’s apartment which is now sitting at an angle against another building. They decide to go up the adjacent building and climb over to the rooftop of Beth’s spot. Hmmmmm, me thinks that would have really been the point that I threw up the deuces and said "I’ll holla" but hey what do I know. Lol After climbing about 50 plus flights of stairs Lilly finally took off those 4 inch high heels and they made their way to Beth’s building by crossing over some rubble. Once in her apartment, they discover her and of course you think she’s dunzo but BEHOLD she’s alive with some rebar (sp??) sticking though her chest. Can you say ouch??!! Now Beth looks down and sees what has happened to her, she’s screaming, then they see the CM and she starts screaming some more. So to speed up the process to get out, everyone just counts to three and lifts her off of the rebar. Can you say ouch squared???!!! I seriously cringed!!!

Everyone makes their way back down to street level to get back to the safe area. Once there, they (the military) put Lilly in a helicopter and tell the others (Rob, Beth, and Hudd) to wait for the next one. Once in the next chopper, they get an aerial view of the CM and see the firepower being in brought in to blow it up. So they drop the bombs on the CM and the crew gets excited because they think it worked until the CM reaches up and grabs their chopper. Lol So they crash somewhere in Central Park and the crew is alive….big surprise. They begin running back into the city to see if they can make it back to the safe house when the CM comes from out of nowhere and takes Hudd out. Insert awwwwwwwwwwwww here. I liked that character a lot, he was funny. R&B pick up the camera and take shelter under one of those bridges in the park. They give their last good-byes on film just in case the camera is found and BAM it’s over. The military blew up them up, no doubt because the CM was there and that’s all she wrote. Now right after that they do show one more clip of R&B when they were at Coney Park. I’ve read on some sites that just behind them you can see something falling from the sky and into the ocean. I assume this is where the CM came from. * shrugs shoulders * I dunno, I would have to watch it again to be able to verify that but if you do decide to see, just be on the lookout.

Honestly, it’s not that bad of a movie if you can withstand the not so steady camera action. What I don’t like is that there are a lot of unexplained things like did Lilly get away, what exactly the little parasite things were, why you exploded if they bit you, where the CM came from, was there really one monster or two (in the beginning it seems like the CM has tenticles and is more of an octupus than anything but when you see it, it's more reptilish), and how in the hell did that camera survive an explosion of that magnitude??? From the angle the movie comes from though, I guess it’s supposed to be one of those unknown things and just shows you the viewer the perspective as if you were really there experiencing what was happening. Who knows? So go and check it out if you wish, wait for it to come out on DVD, or holla at your local bootleg distributor and get a copy. :-)