Someone please call 9-1-1.................

I don't know if I've shared this with ya'll before (something tells me I have but I can't remember) but the local paper where I live has a police beat section. I usually read this daily due to the rise in crime (especially home burglaries) that have been occurring lately in this once oh so quiet town. So far, our neighborhood (and surrounding one's) has fared quite well. Everyone on our street gets along pretty well. We may not have close relationships with each other but we always speak and wave to each other as we pass down the street.

Anyway, so back to the paper. Like I said, this section keeps me up to date on crime and what not but sometimes there is something that makes me crack the hell up laughing catches me completely off guard. Take for example this little gem of a report:

Battery at 1155 Skyline Dr. (Walmart). Officers responded to a possible fight Thursday inside Walmart. The victim stated that she was in the checkout aisle with two friends and her sister. The victim said the man in front of them asked them a question. She thought he asked if they would like to go in front of him in line, and the victim responded, “yes.” The suspect became angry and told the victim he was going to “choke slam” her. The suspect allegedly punched the victim twice in the face. The pair were separated until officers arrived. The suspect told authorities that he was a secret agent and that it was illegal for someone to eavesdrop on his conversations. The suspect stated that he was having a conversation with someone in his head. When the suspect caught the victim listening to his conversation, he asked her if she was eavesdropping and she said, “yes.” The suspect said the voice told her that she had committed a crime and needed “to be dealt with.” The suspect was transported to the Faulkner County Detention Center.

This reminds me of a run-in I had with a crazy at that very same Wal...Mart back when I worked there during college. There was only one in town then and now we have two....ooooooooooooooo!!! Anyway, I was on lunch and decided to hit up the McD's in the back of the store for some food. After placing my order, I noticed this loud lady acting a fool pointing at random people screaming at them. Me being me, I just looked at her and rolled my eyes. Crazy lady notices me and proceeds to come my way. Awwwwwwwwww hell!!! I instantly started cussin' myself in my head for not looking the other way. I grab my car keys out of my pocket and position them between my middle and ring fingers just in case I had to stab a hoe defend myself. She was almost thisclose to me when sakurity came and saved my ass. LOL

I don't know why I didn't just leave. I suspect it had a lot to do with the fact that I was hungry.....and immature. At any rate, I learned my lesson.

And now for a musical selection...............................