Reality TV: RHOA

I don’t usually post about the real housewives but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention last night’s epic episode. Sex, lies and surgical tape….OH MY!!!

Let’s start with Sheree’ “Who gon’ check me boo” Whitfield. Her showmance with “Dr.” Tofo leaves a lot to be desired and a bad taste in my mouth. No seriously, I think I threw up a little watching them. If this results in me becoming more familiar with bulimia, I’m totally going to sue Bravo (but not before I buy new size 6 jeans). *Sarah Palin wink* It’s obvious that this mess between them is as fake as his credentials but hey that’s what makes for good TV right?

And why oh why did she not just simply tell him NO when he kept forcing his thumb in her face to lick the cookie dough. Sad as it may seem, some people just don’t respond to and\or understand body language. You would think leaning the opposite direction would have been enough but alas it wasn't so. I personally would have cussed him out. Don't underestimate the power of a good tongue lashing people!!! Besides, a man with a hair part as wide as the Red Sea is NOT to be trusted…in any capacity...ever. #letmypeoplegooooooooo

Next up-Phaedra “Pickles” Parks. This girl swears she is thisclose with all things classy and artistic. Based on her behavior thus far, we all know she wouldn’t know either if it slapped her in the face. The photo shoot…..Lord Jesus. Okay, so I got the play on props, as we all did….pregnancy….cravings….pickles….womp womp. Wouldn’t it have been enough to stop at just posing with the jar? Did we really have to watch them give fellacio to a pickled cucumber? What exactly did you learn in jail Apollo????

I don’t like the fact that when someone mentions RBC’s I will now think of Kim Zolciak instead of roast beef.

Random fact: There is actually a group called Roast Beef Curtains. Perhaps Kim Z. should get together with them and do a song.

The Last (Mother’s Day) Supper. Most of you all were on FB last night laughing, hollering, crying right along with me because hey, it was just that funny. I almost gave myself strep I laughed so hard. My throat is still a little scratchy.

Honestly? I can’t even do it justice with words you’ll just need to watch (or re-watch) this scene for yourself However, I did agree with a couple of things…namely:

1. Pickles is lying about when that baby was conceived

2. Nene’s comment regarding exploratory vaginal techniques:

“Listen, I would never put Kool-Aid, candied yams, peppermint candy, pancake syrup none of those things in my vajayjay….that’s crazy!!”.

I agree! Try if you wanna but when you get a yeasty RBC don’t come back cryin’ to me!

So it seems..............

I've actually had something to blog about for a few weeks and simply just forgot.

Sh'Nike left! Wooooo Hooooooooooooooo!!!! She applied for a different job in the organization. She's been gone for about a month now. For those who don't know about the person formally known as the thorn in my side, you can read about her here annnnnnnnnnnnd here. To add to the list of reasons why I grew to not really like her, this broad had the most awful & annoying habits, ticks and other miscellaneous things she used to do on the daily. Namely a cough......like the king of coughs......like coughing up both lungs at the same time cough. She rarely covered her mouth and after several hints\recommendations\strong suggestions (by myself and others) to seek medical treatment, she FINALLY went to the doctor..............four months later. Wanna know what the diagnosis was?

GD WALKING PNEUMONIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was PISSED at her and the fact she sat directly next to me with that gunk in her trunk for that long. We've got good medical insurance and plenty of sick time to go around. Hell, the last time I looked I think I had close to 200 sick hours to use.

*makes note to utilize a mental health day soon*

Granted, it's not like she knew but still you just don't cough like that for no reason. Your body does things like that for a reason. This just provided further evidence to me that the chick lacked HEAVILY in the common sense department.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnyway, she's gone. I'm good. Actually, I'm great!!!! Wanna know why?

CAUSE I FINALLY GOT ANOTHER JOB DAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWG!!!!

This exciting news was made official yesterday after I accepted the offer. So in a couple of weeks, I'll be moving over a couple of rows to my new team.

So long, to peace and quiet!
So long, to not having a boss in the office!
So long, to having an entire section to myself!
So long, to.....damn I sure am giving up a lot of perks. LOL

Ah well, I was bored and beyond ready for a change. I'm sure I'll be complaining about something or another in a few months (it's in my nature...what can I say?) but until then.................

Tech Support..........

Me: Baby, could you come help me?

Mistah: *yells from the other room* What's wrong?

Me: Can you just come in here.......shit (mumbled under my breath)

Mistah: What?

Me: The tv remote is not working...well it is but the volume doesn't work on it anymore. Like I can't adjust it and it's annoying me because it's too loud.

Mistah: Have you tried reprogramming it?

Me: Yes aaaaaaannnnnnnd I changed the batteries but it's still doing the same thing. I even tested it with the remote in the den (it's the same kind because of our cable boxes). This TV ain't even six months old and it's already acting up. If you can't get it to work, pack this shit up and put it in the trunk because it's going back to where it came from.

Mistah: *looks at the remote...... looks at the TV and moves a magazine out of the way to unblock the sensor......test the remote........hands it back to me........smirks and snickers*

Me: So!!!!!! Oh and thank you!


And now for a musical selection.....................