Showing posts with label Are You Serious???. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Are You Serious???. Show all posts

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Kids Do the Darndest Things.................

If I leave now, I'll have juuuuuuuuuust enough time to swing by (insert place you know you're not supposed to be) before she gets home.

I know she told me not to touch the cookies but it's just one. She won't miss it.

I'll clean up the den and just tell her I cleaned the whole house.

No mama, I wasn't talking in class.

I wish she'd go to bed so I could get on the phone with Lil Johnny.

I wonder if the car can make it down this flooded street. (it didn't)

She'll never find out.

I don't know about y'all but this is a small list of thoughts from young AR Gal that sometimes managed to get me in world of trouble (and frequently occasionally molly whopped upside the head). Why? Because I wasn't as slick as I thought I was. Granted, I got away with quite a bit of the little stuff but mama always seemed to be in the know when I f'd in a MAJOR way. Thinking back, how could she not? I've got a laundry list of "I did some stupid stuff" tucked away in my belt from when I was a youngster. I'm sure you all do as well but nothing and I mean nothing beats the story of what happened to my friend and her teenage son last week.

Backstory-my friend is black. Her husband is white. They have two children, a teenage son (who he claims as his) she had with her first husband and a four year old with her current beau. They have lived in BFE (Butt Phuck Egypt, i.e. the boonies), a predominantly white town, for the past 8 or 9 years. They've never experienced any issues because of their family makeup.

Back to last week. My friend gets a call from her teenage son that a white man is outside of their home threatening him using racial slurs and has wrecked his car by ramming into it several times. My friend is, undoubtedly, upset. Like balling at work while trying to gather her bearings to get home. She's told me a number of times that one of her worst fears is something happening to him and them not being able to get to him. This is mainly because of the distance because she, the husband and younger son travel to the city each day (the commute is about an hour each way ....like I said BFE) because of work and daycare, leaving their oldest in town (basically) alone.

On the way to the house, police are called. The F--B--I -- is called. The ACLU is even on the list to be called but she never got that far. Why? Cause his ass lied about the whole.dang.thing. He had a wreck but was too scared to tell the truth.

*WOMP WOMP*

After investigating the scene, the po po pretty much knew the kid was lying because there were no secondary car tracks (or debris) in the yard and the fact that they had received numerous reports about a black male in a car (like his) driving erratically down the street. He finally gave in and told the truth but only after being threatened with arrest. *sigh*

The kid got off lucky......with the law anyway. That remains to be seen with his parents. He has been stripped of every luxury. No computer access, no Wii, no Ipod, no cell phone, no nothing. I asked her if he'd apologized or if was remorseful about what he'd done. She said she doubted it. When his dad went to claim the iPod he'd forgotten to take during the initial swipe of goods, do y'all know this lil dude had the audacity to say 'You can't take this, it's mine'.

Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllle...................................................iCan't.

I can't recall off the top of my head if I was ever bold enough to get sassy with my mom after getting busted. If I was, I'm pretty sure I regretted it soon thereafter.

Anyhoo for his sake, I hope he's laying low and willingly doing chores. He's got a lot of kissing up to do.

Let's hear it blog land. What's the dumbest thing you ever did as a kid? Spill your guts in the comments. I double dog dare ya!

Sunday, May 01, 2011

A little bit of this....a little bit of that

Ay yo! So I'm sitting here watching RHOC and decided that I should blog. Soooooo random!
  • Alexis is totally jealous and hatin' on the other housewives.
  • Why she's not capable of functioning without her husband for a few hours during a dinner is outside of my realm of comprehension.
  • Her husband is a controlling ass. Personally, I would enjoy the time away (from him) but that's just me.
  • Sooooooooooooo, my sister is preggers.........ah-gane. Yep the one that had this bundle of joy.
  • She hasn't told our mom yet as she is not ready to hear her opinionated reaction. LOL!
  • For her sake, I hope it's not another boy but as long as he\she is healthy that's all that really matters.
  • To this day, Mistah and I STILL crack up laughing at this. Don't let the song come on the radio. #stickaforkinme
  • Remember this dude? I sent the anonymous letter. He's still wreaks. I no longer work with him in any capacity (other than being in the same building) but occasionally see him and catch a whiff of that funky stuff.
  • Speaking of work, we're going through yet another re-org. Thankfully, this time with no job loss. I'm currently working on two teams. One temporarily until who knows when. Temp team wants to keep me (and quite honestly it makes more sense for me to be with that group) but office politics has gotten in the way of that. So for now, I'm with them until I'm not. Then it's back to my permanent team. So retarded but hey I still have a job.
  • This chick is still bamming folks. It brings me mucho joy.
  • Remember my BFF's knight in rusty armor? Guess what? He's back in jail for (practically) the exact same shit he did before. He had a wreck while drinking and driving in the car with their child......ag-gane. My words to her, "I love you and usually refrain from telling you (and others) how to live your life but don't let that nigga back in your house or your life." There was, undoubtedly, A LOT more to that convo but that statement pretty much summed up how I feel.
  • It really sucks because she has such a big heart and is WAY nicer than I can ever imagine being. That big heart sometimes gets in the way of her using good judgement. I fear that once he gets out (this summer), that she'll take him back.
  • Ummmmmm, what else?
  • Tornados watch\warnings\sirens=scary
  • Rain=peaceful until it ain't. (see above)
  • Beyond ready for vacation this summer.
  • Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

She got a pocket full of stones......................


but they done left her ass alone.

Picture it. January 31, 2011 at the revenue office (the DMV for all you northern folk). I'm waiting in line to renew my license plate tags for a second time mind you.

Sidenote: I have got to do a better job of (1) not waiting until the last minute to do this and (2) making sure the car is assessed BEFORE I renew......especially when the reminder they send in the mail has a big fat NO next to the question has the vehicle been assessed. *sigh*

Okay, so I'm waiting in line but I had seen this delicious beast outside while in my car holding with the property tax folks to work their magic. I only caught a quick glance but I remember my first thought being, 'Ew'.

Once I make it back inside and am standing behind her, my next thought is 'why'? And that I need to take a picture. Thank goodness the line was moving slow.

No really. Why? Anything you can think of just why.

She (yes it was really a lady) exuded all kinds of confidence but damn that body.....

As a fellow member of the flat booty committee, I'm offended.

And now for a musical selection to help ease your soul.......................

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

YouTube Foolishness: Men with No Life Edition

Seriously? Y'all ain't ready. Giggles, goofaws, snickers, chuckles or as in my case hollers will ensue.




Sidenote: I just recently found out that this song is sung by a grown ass man. o_O

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

TIREd

In all my days, I have never had as many issues with tires on a vehicle as I have in the past 30 days. Flats, screws\other miscellaneous objects, tire patches\new tire....OH MY!

I'm sick of this shit.

And now for a musical selection.....

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Oh Southern Gaaaaaaaal........

Yes this picture was take while crouching down on the restroom floor (on my knees only TYVM).

ENJOY!!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I whip my beads back and forth......................

Well folks, I done seen it all....and I mean ALL!!! If you'll recall in this post, I shared with you some of the work attire dawned by one of the temps. I'm here to tell you Space Jam Jordans ain't got shit on the new chick in town.


The picture is fuzzy so I'll assist. Ladies and gents, in essence, this is what you see.

THIS BROAD HAS BEADS IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDS IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEER HAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIR!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT WOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Oh and Beady Bee wasn't nice enough to get the clear ones. Her head is chock FULL of a cornucopia of colors like she just tasted the damn rainbow!!!

RED......................YELLOW.......................BLUE........................GREEN............

I was so dumbfounded when I saw this mess that I had to look at the girl thrice to make sure it wasn't someone's child. No such luck. I was lucky enough, however, to have my trusty phone on hand to capture this moment in time because otherwise I'm not sure you all would have believed me. I'm still not sure I believe it myself. I was hungry at the time, after all, so this may have been a mirage. Yeah, that's it. I made myself see candy coated goodness in her hair because it was time for my afternoon snack.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

And now for a musical selection...................................

Friday, October 29, 2010

So it seems..............

I've actually had something to blog about for a few weeks and simply just forgot.

Sh'Nike left! Wooooo Hooooooooooooooo!!!! She applied for a different job in the organization. She's been gone for about a month now. For those who don't know about the person formally known as the thorn in my side, you can read about her here annnnnnnnnnnnd here. To add to the list of reasons why I grew to not really like her, this broad had the most awful & annoying habits, ticks and other miscellaneous things she used to do on the daily. Namely a cough......like the king of coughs......like coughing up both lungs at the same time cough. She rarely covered her mouth and after several hints\recommendations\strong suggestions (by myself and others) to seek medical treatment, she FINALLY went to the doctor..............four months later. Wanna know what the diagnosis was?

GD WALKING PNEUMONIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was PISSED at her and the fact she sat directly next to me with that gunk in her trunk for that long. We've got good medical insurance and plenty of sick time to go around. Hell, the last time I looked I think I had close to 200 sick hours to use.

*makes note to utilize a mental health day soon*

Granted, it's not like she knew but still you just don't cough like that for no reason. Your body does things like that for a reason. This just provided further evidence to me that the chick lacked HEAVILY in the common sense department.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnyway, she's gone. I'm good. Actually, I'm great!!!! Wanna know why?

CAUSE I FINALLY GOT ANOTHER JOB DAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWG!!!!

This exciting news was made official yesterday after I accepted the offer. So in a couple of weeks, I'll be moving over a couple of rows to my new team.

So long, to peace and quiet!
So long, to not having a boss in the office!
So long, to having an entire section to myself!
So long, to.....damn I sure am giving up a lot of perks. LOL

Ah well, I was bored and beyond ready for a change. I'm sure I'll be complaining about something or another in a few months (it's in my nature...what can I say?) but until then.................




Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Friday, October 01, 2010

FB Chronicles.................

Between You and Silly Person*
Silly Person September 30
me and tim* is not cool like that,so please keep his updates bout his problem off my home page,thanks
AR Gal September 30
Was this really meant for me? I have no clue what you're talking about.
Silly Person September 30
his update was under your name,just saying...and we're friend on facebook

*me thinking trying to figure out what the devil this fool is talking about*
AR Gal September 30
I'm trying to picture this in my head. I tagged him earlier this week or last week...can't remember. At any rate, I can't promise it won't happen again (i.e. that I won't tag him in something else). If it is that troublesome to you it can be prevented by simply hiding my posts. :)

For the record it wasn't anything bad, it was actually something he and Turkey* are doing to help better our hometown. With all the murders B'ville has experienced as of late, I would think people would be excited about steps being taken to make a difference. I hope you contribute to the cause. I will be.
Silly Person September 30
Ok,u is my friend sweetie.


I honestly thought he had me confused with someone else when I first saw the message. I was quite tickled when I realized it was meant for me and he was so for real.

People take this FB ish way too seriously.

*-names have been changed to protect innocent and dumb



Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm so pissed.................

at my sister right now I could SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always known she was an idiot but she confirmed it for me this morning.

Long story short. After she (and my aunt (my mom's half sister)) spoke with the doctor yesterday afternoon, he explained what all he had done. During the conversation, he also explains that while the surgery was successful it wasn't necessarily needed (i.e. the situation wasn't as critical as it was made out to be). So now she and my aunt are thinking she did it for attention.

*SIGH*

Okay, whatever. My take? Well, it's done now. Right? Right. I got the impression from my mom that she felt it was needed so that's all I really needed to know.

My sister on the hand? Weeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll, she's mad at our mom for having the surgery and is refusing to take off work next week to sit with her (like we all agreed two weeks ago). She'd take the first full week, me the second and my oldest sister the third. After that, we figured she'd be at the half-way recovery mark so if the doc cleared it, she would come back down to our house and stay with us (in AR) for as long as she needed.

She claims since the cut was not horizontal versus vertical that it shouldn't take her as long to recover and that she would be fine as long as she wrapped some band around her stomach and moved around. And I quote, "As long as she doesn't get dizzy or anything, it will be okay. I had to do it, she can do it too".
o_O

And who prey tell will be there to know if she is you f'in MORON???????!!!!!!! And for the record, you were in your 20's....she's damn near SEVENTY YEARS OLD!!! BIG DIFFERENCE.....HUGE!

This was just one of many lame ass reasons she gave.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I don't want to speak with her again but I'm sure all three of us will be on the phone hashing it out this evening. I doubt if she'll change her mind so I'm sure I'll be working remotely from Memphis for two weeks straight since my other sister won't be able to maneuver as easily with three small kids.

Bottom line: she had the surgery, she needs to be looked after. Our relationship is far from perfect but when push comes to shove, she's still our mother.

As you can see, I needed to vent. And now for a musical selection...........

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I could tell you...............

about how I went to the ER last night* or about how I finally found another car** BUT Mother Earth intervened (once again) and threw me a taste of phuckery. She knows how I love it so. :D

So below is a wall post from the K97 (a local radio station in Memphis) early morning team. Each week they do the jackass wall which is basically a free for all for people to vent about who or whatever is currently pissing them off. Usually there are a lot of comments from people complaining about their baby daddy, baby mama and of course THE HATERS! *sigh* Sometimes....just sometimes (okay it probably happens more often than I think because there are A LOT of ig'nant folks in Memphis) you get the occasional dummy that should be featured on a 'When Keepin' it Real Goes Wrong' poster.

Ladies and gents, I give to you Diamond Infiniti. Now we are just not going to say A THING about how s\he looks more like the Rock of Gilbralter than a Diamond. But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard it from me!

Just in case you can't see the lovely text:

Diamond Infiniti puttin myself on the jackass wall for playing like i was sick three days last week and taking off work now i got a short ass check today

Here's a better pic of Diamond so you can see what I'm saying.

Really? You telling off on yourself about really not being sick..............ON FACEBOOK! And have the nerve to complain about your check being short as a result of your actions.....................ON FACEBOOK!!!! GIRL\BOY BYE!!! LMAO!!!

*I'm totally fine now. I really don't know what it was but it hurt bad enough to make me feel like my life was in danger. Maybe bad gas?? *shrugs shoulders* Whatever it was had something to do with that daggone Stouffer's lasagna we had for dinner last night. Please trust that none of their products will EVER enter my stomach again. Whatever was going on in my tummy resolved itself before they even got a chance to call me back for the full examination. Go figure.

**I finally found a car at the end of July. It's another Maxima....not a new one *tears* but it's still really nice. *smile*

And now because I can't think of an appropriate musical selection, let's just dance instead.

Is it just me or does CB look uber geigh dancing surrounded by a circle of men.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

TOTALED (UPDATE)

So now I'm considering not accepting the total loss and just getting the thing fixed. My car is a bit older but I like it and it's mine......shitshoot. If I may be quite honest, I truly have issues with them taking ownership of it and benefiting (from the sale of the vehicle through salvage) from MY loss. I've paid money a good amount of money on it (and still owe just a bit). The more I digest and process my options, the more totaling it seems like I'd just be throwing money out of the window. That along with everything that comes with the car search process is really swaying my thoughts. We did a little parking lot window shopping Monday afternoon and OMG I got SO annoyed with the salesmen. I know they are just doing their job but when I say I'm just looking or I'm not buying a car today, my naive mind really expects them to respect that.

Anyway, the initial conversation with the folks at the repair shop stated that there is no structural damage to the vehicle just cosmetic. Now I just need to have another conversation with them verify that and with the insurance folks (both theirs and mind) about some other odds and ends. *sigh*

Emma just came to give me a kiss on the arm. I guess she senses my stress level is high and/or that I need to get some rest.

The journey continues...................................................

TOTALED....

Sooooo, the car is totaled. To say I'm in a phucked up mood is an understatement. I thought the car was going to be repaired until the other folks insurance company went to look at it and deemed it totaled. Granted I could still opt to have it repaired but that would be a whole 'nuther hassle with my car insurance making sure they would still insure it with complete coverage (not just liability).

We have a rental (for a little while longer) plus the other car but this has put a total wrench into future plans. Specifically when the boys come in August. Who knows if I'll even have another freaking car by then. Once the rental is gone, Mistah will still need it to go back and forth to work while the boys are here. What are the kids and I supposed to do? Play hide and seek until he comes back? *sigh* I could pay for a rental that week but guess what? I don't want to. They should have to pay but this bitch of a claims agent isn't budging.

I never knew the process of dealing with insurance companies could be so damn frustrating and stressful. You would think that since this wasn't my fault they would be kissing my ass. HA!

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The journey continues...............

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Wrecks-N-Effect

Had a wreck after work today.

It wasn't my fault.

I'm fine but tired.

The car is not.....hopefully it's not totaled. It's probably tired too though.

Funny thing is I was listening to the traffic report list of other wrecks in the city right before my accident.

Life is funny, ain't it?

And now for a musical selection

Monday, May 24, 2010

TOTALLY BUMMED!!!

The comedy show with Tracy Morgan & Lavelle Crawford has been CANCELED!!!! *tears*

I was so looking forward this weekend. No worries though. We're still going to M-town because:
(1) I want to see my mama
(2) she wants to go to the casino (I'll be taking my standard 20 bones and then I'm OUT!)
(3) I want some crab legs from Joe's Crab Shack (Random thought...I really wish they would open up a Cheesecake Factory in Memphis or Little Rock)
(4) I need to pick up some shea butter and black soap from the flea market thingamajig they have

All is not lost as we'll be headed out to Cali in a couple of weeks. We'll visit with Mistah's big sis, nieces, and take in the sights and sounds of the Bay area. Then if that wasn't enough, Billy Bad Ass numbers 2 & 3, otherwise known as my nephews, will be back in the natural state a little later in the summer making a repeat appearance at Aunt AR Gal's crib of De La Soul (and beat-downs if you test me). I'm thinking about going to get BBA #1 (my oldest nephew) and my niece (they stay with their dad in AR during the summer) while the younger one's are here to keep them entertained when I don't feel like being bothered.

All in all not bad but I still want to go to that damn comedy show. *sigh*

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Big Pimpin

Jersey City Society Hill pimp is sentenced to 18 years in prison


Read the story here

I have SO many thoughts, questions and concerns running rampant through my head about this man right now. Some of which are:

1. How much pro-con gel was used to create that splendiferous hairstyle?
2. Why did he choose a twisted up piece of yarn to use as a 'ponytail'?
3. How did he get said 'ponytail' to stay put?
4. Can you really call those finger waves?
5. Who told him that shit was cute?
6. With waves like that, who needs the ocean?!
7. I don't swim but suddenly have a strong desire to go surfing.
8. How is he pulling anything other than Rasputia's?
9. He lyin!
10. I need to see pictures of his hoes STAT!
11. Don't drop the soap!

Be sure to check out the photo slide show at the bottom of the story. If you haven't laughed today..............

And now for a musical selection!


Wednesday, May 05, 2010

SAKURATY!!!!!!!!!

I've been in a two day (all day) planning session with my business unit. I don't know about you but I LOATHE these things.

One because it last alllllllllllllllll day long which is taxing and draining to my spirit and overall mental capacity. My attention span is super duper short so I tend to zone out after about oh say the first hour. I personally think it's better that these sessions be held in a series of half days during morning hours. It's been my experience that productivity decreases HEAVILY after lunch. Ask me how I know.

Two. People that don't know when to shut the hell up. You know the ones. The people that don't realize that it's time to move on BUT love to hear themselves talk so much that they just have to ask a question or make a comment when it's obvious (by the silence in the room) that no one has anything else to contribute to the topic at hand.

Three. SAKURATY!!! In addition to having the meeting off site (which I've been told is good at helping groups focus.....it does nothing for me), our head honcho decided it would be a good idea for us to power off of cells and put them in a box appropriately titled 'cellphone box'. Okay cool, I'll roll with it but don't get mad if I keep asking what time it is since my cellphone is my watch. K? Thanks.

If the box wasn't enough, he designated one of our team members as 'cell phone security' that was given strict orders to only release our phones during breaks. Ummm yeah whatever. It wasn't so much that he assigned someone but who. Sh'Nike!!! You remember her....crazy stalker chick on my team. UGH!!!!!! While I commend her steadfastness she took this shit a little to seriously.

Example 1: Yesterday I asked where the box was....ya know so I could just go and grab my phone when it was time for lunch. Her response? "Oh I hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid them and will issue them out when it is time for us to eat."

GIRL BYE!!!!!!!!!

Example 2: This morning while waiting on everyone to arrive, I was on my phone surfing the web and all that jazz. We still had about 10 minutes or so before we began. There were only handful of us in the room including Sh'Nike. I guess she was bored because while I was in the middle of 'liking' someone's status on FB doing something really important this trollop comes over and stands in front of me with that box. I look up, she smiles and nudges the box my way.

Me:*BLANK STARE*

Sh'Nike: Your phone?

Me: *in my head*











Me: *in reality* We haven't begun the session. I'll place it in the box then.

Sh'Nike: But he put me in charge................

Me: Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

GIRL GOOD-BYE AND GOODNIGHT!

And yes, I did laugh in her face and so did the guy next to me. Actually he kind of just snickered but I digress. Seriously though......how does one reply to that. Words would not have done it justice. And they wonder why I don't ever want to go to happy hour with them. *smh*

Thursday, April 29, 2010

YouTube Foolishness: Pageant Edition



If it wasn't for the mc, dress and stage 'decorations', I would swear this chick was at a karaoke bar. Has she even heard this song before??? What beat was she on?

I'd hate to see her dance.

Giving you what I got....musically