I suck...............

So BBA numbers two and three made an impromptu visit with Granny (my mom) yesterday. The plan was for me to take my mom's car to the airport (she left it at the house so she wouldn't have to pay for parking) and they would ride out to Memphis. After speaking with her yesterday afternoon before the plane took off, I pretty much knew they would be staying the night. Apparently getting through security with two small children was enough to tire her out. Hell it would probably tire me out too.

After returning to the house, I got the kids fed and took them over to the school next door so they could play and run off some of their energy and excitement from seeing me the dogs. About 20 minutes in, BBA number three showed signs of extreme crankiness and crying. Now I don't know nothing about birthin' or raisin' no babies but I do know what that means in Mommyland. NAP/BEDTIME!! I told his big brother (BBA number two) he had about ten more minutes and we were heading back to the house. BBA number three's cries were getting louder (and quite honestly more embarrassing). Thank goodness only a few people were out there with us. Then, he wanted his mommy. Being the good Auntie I am, I pulled out my phone and called her. After listening to their conversation on speakerphone, it was pretty obvious that my big sister was more interested in her nap than her spawn's need for her. Imagine that! LOL

BBA number two headed over to the another piece of play equipment to enjoy the last few minutes and surprisingly BBA number three followed. I walked over to join them and BBA number three announces "I SUCK".

Me: No you don't. What would make you say that?

BBA number three: Aunt AR Gal, I suuuuuuuuuuck

Me: *thinking what the hell*

BBA number two: He's saying he's sick

Me: Really? How the h..... thanks for telling me.

Sooooooooooo, I go and ask him where it hurts and he points to his belly.

Me: Do you have to boo boo?

BBA number three: Yes I have to boo boo

Me: Okay, we're leaving now.

He then proceeds to hurl chunks of the dinner and ice cream he had eaten.

Me: *screaming on the inside* BBA number two, let's go.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd he hurls again with bigger chunks.

Me: *turning his body the opposite way while secretly praying, please don't get it on me, please don't get it on me, please don't get it on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Nothing on this planet is as gross to me than seeing someone throw up. I mean really, it's disgusting.

After Vomitgate, we haul ass back to the house. I want to pick him but (1) he's heavy and (2) I really don't want this kid blowing chunks down my back or worse...in my hair! I started to call Mistah but then thought better of it. What if he does it in the car? OMG, ew. Good thing we only live less than a quarter of a mile from the school. Once we got close enough, I put my big girl panties on and picked him up but not after asking five times if he had to throw up any more.

We made it back to the house without any further incident and BBA number two and three were promptly given a bath and put.to.bed.

If this is a preview of what's to come, I'm in trouble.

Wrote a story ‘bout it. Wanna read it, here it go

Woke up this morning sleepy as all get out.

Put my contacts in. They didn’t agree with my eyeballs. After 15 minutes of removing and re-inserting with no success, finally just said phuck it and threw my glasses on.

I hate wearing my glasses. Boo.Hiss.

Saw Pedro’s truck this morning but no one in the backseat. Guess they decided to take a break.

Arrived at work and went to the restroom.

Did a full survey of my outfit. Noticed that my maxi skirt was a peep show in the back.

Cursed self for not wearing a longer shirt and checking self out in the mirror AT HOME.

Tried to do some adjusting to camoflauge. Didn’t work.

Went to the store to buy a slip…..which I have plenty of AT HOME.

*eyeroll*

Slips a plenty but none in BLACK. Boo. Hiss squared.

Grabbed a cami top and made it work….Tim Gunn game proper.

Went to check out and got stuck behind a stupid ass b*tch woman that wanted a price check for a greeting card that was supposed to be 25 cents. The original price was FIFTY CENTS!!!!!!

ARE YOU SERIOUS?????!!!!!

Waiting. BG’s ensue. This heffa still wants her 25 cents discount.

Go to check out at customer service while trying to resist the urge to mollywhop said heffa in the back of her head for being stupid.

Hit the restroom up to leave a deposit and put on my shirtslip.

Stop to grab more sunflower seeds. Only one package of the flavored kind left.

FML…

Bloody Mary's

I’m supposed to be working on a report (and have been since last Wednesday). I can’t seem to get my writing juices flowing this morning so I decided to do a post instead. Honestly, I haven’t been doing so good in the productivity department since my boss took off for vacay. *sigh* I’m going to do better…..when she gets back. *shudders*

Today’s post is brought to you today by the letters N-A-S & T-Y. That’s the word I used to describe whichever hoe, b*tch, scallywag, diseased rhinoceros pheasant trollop decided to leave traces of their menstrual cycle all over one of the commode seats in the ladies room. And I'm not just talking a single drop....that ish was splattered.....on both sides.....like some damn abstract art!!! Say it with me folks….EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

I was beyond grossed out and extremely pissed that the offender (1) didn’t even have the common courtesy to wipe that sh*t off so it wouldn’t be visible and/or (2) have enough common sense to look at the seat before they left the stall. I only wish that I could have seen who it was so I could have added their name to the sign I made and taped on the wall in the stall.

I just went to look for the picture of the sign in my phone and realized I forgot to take one.

(insert Niecy Nash Clean House grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sound effect here)

No worries, I made another for effect.

I was telling Z about it and he just shook his head and gave the usual ‘Makes you wonder what they are like at home’ response. You know what? I don’t really care. Do what you want in your own home but at least TRY and have some type of damn decorum/manners/home training (well I guess that wouldn’t apply if one is that nasty at the house) about yourself in public…..GOOD GRIEF! I refuse to even go in that stall anymore. As a matter of fact, I do believe I shall start going upstairs to handle my beeswax. Yeah, yeah I know nasty is everywhere but there are way less people on that floor and I’d rather take my chances squatting elsewhere.

Girl You So Different and Stuff………..

While perusing on FB a little while ago, I noticed Nerd Girl’s status about one of her co-workers breakfast cuisine of Funyuns and Diet Mt. Dew after her loved one’s health crisis earlier this week. I refrained from posting a detailed reply of my opinion on FB because well it’s FB and you never know who’s zoomin’ who on there but I digress.

One of my colleagues, God love her, nearly lost her life to a stroke and a (near) brain aneurysm a few years back. She’s recovered quite well and there are no signs that she even had a health issue. Well other than the fact that that the hair the doctors shaved off hasn’t grown back as long as it was (past her shoulders) but you would never know that unless she told you. So like I said….no signs. Now while I commend her on making a full recovery, I get annoyed when I see her. Why? Because every morning she stops by my desk to chat, she has a bag from McD’s in one hand (with her and one of those cold coffee thingamajigs in the other. Now I know some of you may be thinking, “Why should you care?” Well, damn shouldn’t she? Now I’m not one to say what I’ll never do because I learned a long time ago that’s just pretty much setting yourself up for failure BUT I’m pretty darn certain I wouldn’t be doing that if I were in her situation. Of course, I’ve never mentioned a word of this to her but sometimes I just want to grab her and shake the shidoobee’s out of her!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Perfect Patty when it comes to eating healthy (and exercise for that matter) and I durn sure don’t have a Coke bottle figure. Can you say booty as flat as a map? Hell I just had a burger (no fries) last night BUT it was cooked at home on the Foreman Grill. Holla! I dunno folks, I don’t wanna judge (even though I am) but it just strikes me odd that considering the circumstances that is what her dietary choice is. It’s her choice though and it is what it is I suppose.

Give it to me baby!!

Big sister numero uno is currently in labor with baby boy numero tres. I got word from my mom yesterday about the latest member of the AR Gal clan trying to enter into the world. So far, it's only labor pains (her water has yet to break). How long must one endure that torture before someone with common sense just breaks the sac to get it over with? I have no idea. Mother's fill me in and I'll be sure to call her doctor to tell him/her to get their job! At any rate, he should be here by the weekend.....I hope. Keep your fingers and toes crossed that mama and baby make it through safe and sound.

In somewhat related news, I am currently watching the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC. Two of the women conceived children while taking antibiotics and on birth control. Both were unaware that this 'dangerous' combination makes you more susceptible to pregnancy without a backup contraceptive. Ironically, both bundles of joy were plopped into a toilet as their mommies mistook them for constipation poops. I for one am glad that I was able to view these informative episodes and felt it was my duty as a woman to share this with others who, like myself, may not have known. Z has been informed that there will be NO sex in the champagne if I find myself in this predicament. Besides, if you're sick you shouldn't want to do it anyway....right? RIGHT!

UPDATE: My nephew Ryan Alexander was born 11/18/09 at 11:58 pm weighing in at 6 lbs. and ?? oz (I forgot what my mama said). Baby and mommy are doing great!

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: Just talked to my sister. She delivered this child naturally (without the assistance of any drugs (totally her choice by the way)) and is already up and about to email pictures out. WTH? Now that she has delivered her last child, she is most excited about her upcoming journey of getting her flat stomach back. LOL

LAST UPDATE ON THE UPDATE 'CAUSE I'M TIRED OF UPDATING:

Rick James - Give It To Me Baby
Uploaded by stillhiphop.

HIGHLY GROSS: Food chronicles

Thanks to Gail (who NEVER stops by and comments) for the title inspiration and to a friend of a friend of a friend who swiped it from here for the post content. And to think, I actually like the Sweet Sue canned chicken dumplings. If I'm being honest here, I have two cans in the cupboard that I've been itching to chow down on. After this, not so much. Oh who am I kidding yes I am because they are yummy but this shit is still HIGHLY GROSS!!!