Gooooooooooood Morning Vietnam!!!

I'm working on a whopping four hours of sleep this morning. And here I thought waking up was going to be the challenge after being off all this time. As if! I planned on getting a full eight hours or at least really, really, really close to it. I spent half of that time up wide awake partially due to a pounding headache. Once I realized my head would not stop hurting, I threw the covers off angrily and took some med's.

Still....no sleep or relief.

Hmmmmm, maybe sitting up will stop the blood from rushing to my head and alleviate my pain. I'm no WebMD but it did help some. I was still bright eyed and Emma was quite bushy tailed that she got to sleep in my lap while I channel surfed. The OWN Network looks like it may be interesting but I thought that damn show with Doctors Oz and Phil and Suze would never end.

How could someone not know that magnesium helps move your bowels? I grew up in a household where Milk of Magnesia was the norm so it's second nature to me. How could you go five days and not poop? Seems like a person would explode or at the very least become really ill. I guess not. I hope that one chick has a BM soon.

I don't think the 52 year old virgin lady will ever get any. I wonder if she has dildos. Would she still be considered a virgin if she uses one but never has sex with a man?

My brain can be both weird and raunchy.

Some relief....still no sleep so I decided to take a bath. That always helps soothe me especially close to midnight. *sigh*

It worked. I'm all ready to go. Problem is, so was Mistah. All my tossin' and turnin' kept him from sleeping peacefully. What's a girl to do? Lift a leg....it's the least I could do.

Don't feel too sorry for him. He busted one annnnnnnnnnnnnd realized (at the very last minute) that he was off today too.

Bastid.

TIREd

In all my days, I have never had as many issues with tires on a vehicle as I have in the past 30 days. Flats, screws\other miscellaneous objects, tire patches\new tire....OH MY!

I'm sick of this shit.

And now for a musical selection.....

I'm so pissed.................

at my sister right now I could SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always known she was an idiot but she confirmed it for me this morning.

Long story short. After she (and my aunt (my mom's half sister)) spoke with the doctor yesterday afternoon, he explained what all he had done. During the conversation, he also explains that while the surgery was successful it wasn't necessarily needed (i.e. the situation wasn't as critical as it was made out to be). So now she and my aunt are thinking she did it for attention.

*SIGH*

Okay, whatever. My take? Well, it's done now. Right? Right. I got the impression from my mom that she felt it was needed so that's all I really needed to know.

My sister on the hand? Weeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll, she's mad at our mom for having the surgery and is refusing to take off work next week to sit with her (like we all agreed two weeks ago). She'd take the first full week, me the second and my oldest sister the third. After that, we figured she'd be at the half-way recovery mark so if the doc cleared it, she would come back down to our house and stay with us (in AR) for as long as she needed.

She claims since the cut was not horizontal versus vertical that it shouldn't take her as long to recover and that she would be fine as long as she wrapped some band around her stomach and moved around. And I quote, "As long as she doesn't get dizzy or anything, it will be okay. I had to do it, she can do it too".

o_O

And who prey tell will be there to know if she is you f'in MORON???????!!!!!!! And for the record, you were in your 20's....she's damn near SEVENTY YEARS OLD!!! BIG DIFFERENCE.....HUGE!

This was just one of many lame ass reasons she gave.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I don't want to speak with her again but I'm sure all three of us will be on the phone hashing it out this evening. I doubt if she'll change her mind so I'm sure I'll be working remotely from Memphis for two weeks straight since my other sister won't be able to maneuver as easily with three small kids.

Bottom line: she had the surgery, she needs to be looked after. Our relationship is far from perfect but when push comes to shove, she's still our mother.

As you can see, I needed to vent. And now for a musical selection...........

TOTALED (UPDATE)

So now I'm considering not accepting the total loss and just getting the thing fixed. My car is a bit older but I like it and it's mine......shitshoot. If I may be quite honest, I truly have issues with them taking ownership of it and benefiting (from the sale of the vehicle through salvage) from MY loss. I've paid money a good amount of money on it (and still owe just a bit). The more I digest and process my options, the more totaling it seems like I'd just be throwing money out of the window. That along with everything that comes with the car search process is really swaying my thoughts. We did a little parking lot window shopping Monday afternoon and OMG I got SO annoyed with the salesmen. I know they are just doing their job but when I say I'm just looking or I'm not buying a car today, my naive mind really expects them to respect that.

Anyway, the initial conversation with the folks at the repair shop stated that there is no structural damage to the vehicle just cosmetic. Now I just need to have another conversation with them verify that and with the insurance folks (both theirs and mind) about some other odds and ends. *sigh*

Emma just came to give me a kiss on the arm. I guess she senses my stress level is high and/or that I need to get some rest.

The journey continues...................................................

TOTALLY BUMMED!!!

The comedy show with Tracy Morgan & Lavelle Crawford has been CANCELED!!!! *tears*

I was so looking forward this weekend. No worries though. We're still going to M-town because:
(1) I want to see my mama
(2) she wants to go to the casino (I'll be taking my standard 20 bones and then I'm OUT!)
(3) I want some crab legs from Joe's Crab Shack (Random thought...I really wish they would open up a Cheesecake Factory in Memphis or Little Rock)
(4) I need to pick up some shea butter and black soap from the flea market thingamajig they have

All is not lost as we'll be headed out to Cali in a couple of weeks. We'll visit with Mistah's big sis, nieces, and take in the sights and sounds of the Bay area. Then if that wasn't enough, Billy Bad Ass numbers 2 & 3, otherwise known as my nephews, will be back in the natural state a little later in the summer making a repeat appearance at Aunt AR Gal's crib of De La Soul (and beat-downs if you test me). I'm thinking about going to get BBA #1 (my oldest nephew) and my niece (they stay with their dad in AR during the summer) while the younger one's are here to keep them entertained when I don't feel like being bothered.

All in all not bad but I still want to go to that damn comedy show. *sigh*

Wrote a story ‘bout it. Wanna read it, here it go

Woke up this morning sleepy as all get out.

Put my contacts in. They didn’t agree with my eyeballs. After 15 minutes of removing and re-inserting with no success, finally just said phuck it and threw my glasses on.

I hate wearing my glasses. Boo.Hiss.

Saw Pedro’s truck this morning but no one in the backseat. Guess they decided to take a break.

Arrived at work and went to the restroom.

Did a full survey of my outfit. Noticed that my maxi skirt was a peep show in the back.

Cursed self for not wearing a longer shirt and checking self out in the mirror AT HOME.

Tried to do some adjusting to camoflauge. Didn’t work.

Went to the store to buy a slip…..which I have plenty of AT HOME.

*eyeroll*

Slips a plenty but none in BLACK. Boo. Hiss squared.

Grabbed a cami top and made it work….Tim Gunn game proper.

Went to check out and got stuck behind a stupid ass b*tch woman that wanted a price check for a greeting card that was supposed to be 25 cents. The original price was FIFTY CENTS!!!!!!

ARE YOU SERIOUS?????!!!!!

Waiting. BG’s ensue. This heffa still wants her 25 cents discount.

Go to check out at customer service while trying to resist the urge to mollywhop said heffa in the back of her head for being stupid.

Hit the restroom up to leave a deposit and put on my shirtslip.

Stop to grab more sunflower seeds. Only one package of the flavored kind left.

FML…

Bloody Mary's

I’m supposed to be working on a report (and have been since last Wednesday). I can’t seem to get my writing juices flowing this morning so I decided to do a post instead. Honestly, I haven’t been doing so good in the productivity department since my boss took off for vacay. *sigh* I’m going to do better…..when she gets back. *shudders*

Today’s post is brought to you today by the letters N-A-S & T-Y. That’s the word I used to describe whichever hoe, b*tch, scallywag, diseased rhinoceros pheasant trollop decided to leave traces of their menstrual cycle all over one of the commode seats in the ladies room. And I'm not just talking a single drop....that ish was splattered.....on both sides.....like some damn abstract art!!! Say it with me folks….EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

I was beyond grossed out and extremely pissed that the offender (1) didn’t even have the common courtesy to wipe that sh*t off so it wouldn’t be visible and/or (2) have enough common sense to look at the seat before they left the stall. I only wish that I could have seen who it was so I could have added their name to the sign I made and taped on the wall in the stall.

I just went to look for the picture of the sign in my phone and realized I forgot to take one.

(insert Niecy Nash Clean House grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sound effect here)

No worries, I made another for effect.

I was telling Z about it and he just shook his head and gave the usual ‘Makes you wonder what they are like at home’ response. You know what? I don’t really care. Do what you want in your own home but at least TRY and have some type of damn decorum/manners/home training (well I guess that wouldn’t apply if one is that nasty at the house) about yourself in public…..GOOD GRIEF! I refuse to even go in that stall anymore. As a matter of fact, I do believe I shall start going upstairs to handle my beeswax. Yeah, yeah I know nasty is everywhere but there are way less people on that floor and I’d rather take my chances squatting elsewhere.

An equation.................

Homecoming+liquor+visiting with old friends+late nights+hangovers=one sucky Monday

I need a nap STAT! I think I shall be venturing out to the car shortly...............

Where the wild things are...................

Tell me why this thing decided to come out of the wood work directly AFTER mistah left for work???!!!

It's not the clearest picture but basically this, my dear people, is a fly on crack! This thing was HUGE!

Picture it, the morning of September 21, 2009. I'm walking around the house getting ready for work (but ass nekkid no less) and hear this buzzing sound. I duck (natural reaction) and listen. Soon enough I see it flying around and watch as it lands on the ceiling light fixture in the kitchen. I break out into my normal hoot and holler dance, run into the bedroom, slam the door, grab my robe and a pair of tennis shoes out of the closet. What?! I needed something on my feet that covered my toes that I could stomp (and kick) properly with.

Once 'clothed', I crept out of the bedroom into the kitchen and made sure it was still on the light. It was. YAY! I ran to laundry area where we keep the (bug) spray and then grabbed the broom. Shut up. Then................I sprayed with all my might. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. That sap sucker went CARAZY and flew everywhere. I'm screamin' and swingin', screamin' and swingin', AND screamin' and swingin'. It finally landed somewhere over by the kitchen window. I couldn't see exactly where because it was hiding behind a decorative bird cage thingamajig on the counter. I spray randomly and it goes flying around again. Screamin' and swingin' ensues. It lands on the other side of the kitchen and I spray again. It comes out, flies over under the stove, and I go in for the kill.


After inhaling the continuous fumes, it could finally take no more and crumbled in defeat to its death. Looks like another spray TKO!

Death To Smoochy....................

This is what I discovered a little while ago while attempting to retrieve the mail. After screaming like a damn fool, a picture was taken, a foot race occurred, and a text was sent to Z with the following message:

There is a big ass dead lizard HANGING on the mailbox right underneath where the mail goes. The mail has been delivered but you will want to check it when you get home 'cause I ain't touchin that shit!!!

And I mean it. I ain't going back out there until that thing falls off or until someone makes a way for it to fall off. On a different note, is that not a messed up way to go out?! Blech!

How do I put this nicely?

My boss....*DEEP HEAVY ASS SIGH*

She’s one of those extremely touch feely people. I DETEST touchy feely people (unless your name is Z and you’re about to put it on me). She’s the type that likes touching your arm, rubbing your shoulder, or patting your thigh when speaking during conversation. Hey! That kinda sounds like grounds for sexual harassment…who’s with me?? Okay…I’m obviously reaching but still the crap irks me to no end. My normal reaction is to move my body away from her touch. I’ll jerk a hand away, move a leg, take a huge step back. etc, etc., etc. I really thought I was doing a good job at making it obvious so that she would catch on. Many months later she has not and now the time has come for me to issue the give me fifty feet verbal warning.

So come on, hit me with your best shot in the comments and tell me the perfect thing to say. If you don’t, I will be forced to go with bitch get off me! You wouldn’t want that now would you?

Irony at it's best!!

I despise junk email forwards. I think they are dumb, dumb, dumb and do nothing more than to clog up the webosphere! Is that a word? According to spell check apparently not...who cares! Anyway, imagine my disgust when I received yet another forward from a friend of mine. Usually I just click delete when I see that FW: in the subject line but something told me to open this one. I hollered when I read what she typed (Freaky you'll love this!):

Good info. I quit forwarding these type of emails long time ago.

Bwahahahahahahahaha, I hollered up here at work. The irony of it all just sent me into a fit of giggles. She still forwarded a junk email! LMAO!!!


Subject: fyi Advice from Snopes.com

Advice from Snopes.com <http://snopes.com/> 1) Any time you see an E -Mail that says forward this on to '10' of your friends, or sign this petition, or you'll get bad luck, good luck, or whatever, it almost always has an E-Mail tracker program attached that tracks the cookies and E-Mails of those folks you forward to. The host sender is getting a copy each time it gets forwarded and then is able to get lists of 'active' E-Mails to use in SPAM E-Mails, or sell to other spammers. 2) Almost all E-Mails that ask you to add your name and forward on to others are similar to that mass letter years ago that asked people to send business cards to the little kid in Florida who wanted to break the Guinness Book of Records for the most cards. All it was, and all any of this type of E-Mail is, is a way to get names and 'cookie ' tracking information for telemarketers and s pammers - - to validate active E-Mail accounts for their own profitable purposes. You can do your friends and family members a GREAT favor (PLEASE) by sending this information to them; you will be providing a service to your friends, and will be rewarded by not getting thousands of spam E-Mails in the future! If you have been sending out (FORWARDING) the above kinds of E-Mail, now you know why you get so much SPAM! Do yourself a favor and STOP adding your name(s) to those types of listings regardless how inviting they might sound! You may think you are supporting a GREAT cause, but you are NOT in the long run. Instead, you will be getting tons of junk mail later! Plus, we are helping the spammers get rich! Let's don't make it easy for them! Also: E-Mail petitions are NOT acceptable to Congress or any other organization. To be acceptable, petitions must have a signed signature and full address of the person signing the petition. Read the full story here: http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/internet.asp <http://www .snopes.com/inboxer/petition/internet.asp>

Woman, thou art mad

For those of you not in the know, you can watch movies online for free. Not just any old movie, even though those are available as well, but new releases. Surf the channel (STC) has been locked in my favorites since a friend hipped me to it about a year or so ago. After growing tired of channel surfing and having nothing else to do this morning, I decided to boot up the laptop and see what new releases I could find online. Most times it's pretty much hit or miss if you will be able to view the movie. Sometimes you have to download stuff to watch and I'm not down with that so I just wait it out until a better online version comes along (ie when I remember to go back or wait until it comes out on cable if it is something I've deemed unworthy to view @ the theater.
Anyway, so I'm surfing through the list of films and see "Bride Wars" which is something I want to see but on my unworthy to view @ the theater list. I click the link and lo and behold, the movie starts playing. SCORE!!

The quality is sucky but it was clear enough for me to watch and not complain about so I stuck with it. So I'm watching and clipping coupons to go grocery shopping later today...WHAT? I know how to seize a multi-task opportunity! Like I said, I'm watching and laughing here and there when the movie just stops. I touch the mouse pad thinking too much time had passed and the laptop has gone to sleep. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....no. The message on the screen informs me of the following:

You have watched 72 minutes of video today. Please wait 54 minutes or click here to enjoy unlimited use of Megavideo

My face has the most screwy look on it but all I can do is crack up laughing like a mad woman. It was kinda scary...like for real. LMAO!!! This has never happened to me before so I'm kinda like in shock. You wanna know the killer though? When I last looked at the time left in the movie it was at 1:11 out of 1:23. Yes you read that right, there was only 12 minutes left in the damn movie and most of that was probably credits!! Bwahahahahahahahahaha

*sigh* I guess I'll finish clipping my coupons, making my list, and going to the grocery store. That will take up 54 plus minutes so I can finish watching the movie. Hey what can I say? I like to finish what I start.....most of the time. lol

UPDATED: I don't want to confuse anyone with what STC actually does. It pretty much is a vessel that shows all the movies that are available online to see. Once you click the movie name it takes you to a different page which gives you a choice of different links which lead to different websites. One of those sites is Megavideo which, as you know by now, has a time limit (72 minutes at a time, lol). I would suggest trying other links to view movies with so you won't be rudely interrupted during your movie watching experience like I was.

Gawt Dayum the Democrats!!!

And the phluckery of it all continues.....


Please meet Harriet Christian, yet another AVID HRC supporter that felt is was also her duty to make a complete and utter jackass out of herself (in front of the cameras of course) in the name of all things Clinton. The thing about all of these crazy folks poppin up out of the woodworks is that I totally get that they supported and wanted HRC as the Dem. nominee. I can respect that BUT that part of the process is over. She's not even a contender anymore so why all the uneccessary fuss and tears?! This mess is just ridiculous but yet comical at the same time.

Just for shits and giggles, here's another vid of Ms. Christian defending her actions. Oh yeah, and also explaining why she will not be voting for Barack. *sigh*

AR Gal PSA.....

I absolutely positively, without a shadow of a doubt, cannot stand summer heat!

That is all, carry on.

The Verdict is in......................

In the case of "To Help or not to Help a Friend", my conscience has found that AR Gal should indeed help her friend out.

What Z said that day really stuck with me and it made sense. Someone asked me had she ever gone out of her way for me and until that question was posed I hadn't even thought about it but yes she has. I won't go into the details but it was many many years ago (hence my memory lapse) and she was truly a friend indeed for a friend in need. lol I called to confirm with her that I'll be there and all is well. She told me that about 35-40 people were invited and that most of those people had called to confirm. I hope that house it's being held in is not small 'cause it's gonna be hot in there if that's the case. lol

In other news, the phluckin air in my car has decided to malfunction in out in the middle of the got damn summer. When you turn it on it comes on but then it shuts itself off.....then it turns itself back on.....then it shuts itself off. Da hell? I took it to the shop today but of course it didn't mess up while they had it but sure enough as I pull driving out of the parking lot off it goes and in reverse I went for them to pull it back in. lol It was close to closing time for them so I have to go back tomorrow for them to keep to see what's going on. One of the guys said it's probably a short somewhere which is what Z predicted as well. I don't give a care what it is I just want it fixed.....like NOW!!! UGH!!