Just for S&G's........................

Whip it, now Zip it!

After watching Chappelle Show on Comedy Central last night, the Tosh.O show came on. I was too lazy to get up and get the remote that I stupidly laid right by the TV (who does that by the way?) to see what else was on the boob tube so I got comfy with the laptop and watched. Having never seen an episode of Tosh.O, I was taken by how completely RANDOM the show is. Like really, really, REALLY random. I have no idea what purpose it serves but it's on Comedy Central so I guess it's suppose to be funny. *shrugs shoulders*

While I'll probably never watch it again, it did benefit me to watch last night as I was introduced to the Zip It. This handy dandy thing pulls all the grimy gunk out of your bathtub drain. And it's cheap! From what I've read, it ranges around $2-3 and can be found at stores like Lowe's, Home Depot, Wally World, etc. After watching videos of people using it (these folks found a dead roach in theirs...*gags*), I was ready to head down to the store to get one and try it out. Luckily common sense reigned supreme and I laid my black ass down to go to sleep. I will be going to get one this weekend. I will not,however, be filming it to put on youtube so you can watch this one instead.

Big Pimpin

Jersey City Society Hill pimp is sentenced to 18 years in prison

Read the story here

I have SO many thoughts, questions and concerns running rampant through my head about this man right now. Some of which are:

1. How much pro-con gel was used to create that splendiferous hairstyle?
2. Why did he choose a twisted up piece of yarn to use as a 'ponytail'?
3. How did he get said 'ponytail' to stay put?
4. Can you really call those finger waves?
5. Who told him that shit was cute?
6. With waves like that, who needs the ocean?!
7. I don't swim but suddenly have a strong desire to go surfing.
8. How is he pulling anything other than Rasputia's?
9. He lyin!
10. I need to see pictures of his hoes STAT!
11. Don't drop the soap!

Be sure to check out the photo slide show at the bottom of the story. If you haven't laughed today..............

And now for a musical selection!

AR Gal PSA................

When speaking about the Lord (especially on social networking sites), please refrain from using Ebonics or speaking/typing unintelligibly. I beg of you. Seeing the word 'come' typed as 'cum' when trying to holy roll ain't cute. No really it ain't.

Bloody Mary's

I’m supposed to be working on a report (and have been since last Wednesday). I can’t seem to get my writing juices flowing this morning so I decided to do a post instead. Honestly, I haven’t been doing so good in the productivity department since my boss took off for vacay. *sigh* I’m going to do better…..when she gets back. *shudders*

Today’s post is brought to you today by the letters N-A-S & T-Y. That’s the word I used to describe whichever hoe, b*tch, scallywag, diseased rhinoceros pheasant trollop decided to leave traces of their menstrual cycle all over one of the commode seats in the ladies room. And I'm not just talking a single drop....that ish was splattered.....on both sides.....like some damn abstract art!!! Say it with me folks….EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

I was beyond grossed out and extremely pissed that the offender (1) didn’t even have the common courtesy to wipe that sh*t off so it wouldn’t be visible and/or (2) have enough common sense to look at the seat before they left the stall. I only wish that I could have seen who it was so I could have added their name to the sign I made and taped on the wall in the stall.

I just went to look for the picture of the sign in my phone and realized I forgot to take one.

(insert Niecy Nash Clean House grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sound effect here)

No worries, I made another for effect.

I was telling Z about it and he just shook his head and gave the usual ‘Makes you wonder what they are like at home’ response. You know what? I don’t really care. Do what you want in your own home but at least TRY and have some type of damn decorum/manners/home training (well I guess that wouldn’t apply if one is that nasty at the house) about yourself in public…..GOOD GRIEF! I refuse to even go in that stall anymore. As a matter of fact, I do believe I shall start going upstairs to handle my beeswax. Yeah, yeah I know nasty is everywhere but there are way less people on that floor and I’d rather take my chances squatting elsewhere.

Well.....

..................I finally found the one thing I knew I would if I stayed on FB long enough. A high school classmate that is now a grandmother. *dry heaves, vomits, faints* It really comes as no surprise to me as people in my class started popping out kids like doo doo balls as early as 14.

Sidenote: I'm watching "Let's Talk About Pep". The Asian dude Pep is on the romantic getaway with looks like he is allergic to bee stings around the eye area and that's all I'm gonna say about that. Oh and I hate Pep's hair, wig, weave, choice of synthetic blend.

Anyway, like I was saying....no big surprise BUT it's still shocking to see/know that someone my age not only has a shitload of a lot of children but a grandchild to boot! One guy I graduated with has no less than 10 kids!!! Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nueve, TEN (and is probably making more as I type this but I ain't one to gossip so you ain't heard that from me)!!

Is it strange that I find this strange or is it strange that these folks have a plethora of kids with grandkids?

YouTube Foolishness: STD Prevention Edition

Which one do you want?

Pookie and 'Nem..............................

Imagine my surprise when I was hipped to this toy on the SEARS website.

This, my friends, is a Gangsta Baby Pookie Doll.

Yeah let that sink in for a minute. Oh and he's not alone! Pookie's got some boys to keep him company.

Gangsta Baby Benjino (who I affectionately refer to as Gangsta Chucky)

&

Gangsta Baby Rey Rey

Is this not some of this most atrocious mess???!!! When the hell did babies become gangstas? Whose kid do you know would want a doll like this? I'm sorry but I can't think of any. And don't you just LOVE how they threw the white doll in there? Yeah I've seen that Jedi mind trick before. It's that same 'I'm not a racist because I have black friends' mentality so we're going to throw the white doll in there so no one can pull the race card on us. I'm SO outdone by this coonery!

Lil' Wayne, I blame you for this.

YouTube Foolishness: Crank Dat Edition

Somehow I don’t know if the Lord is glorified by this….

YouTube Foolishness: Sanctuary Edition

I.just.can't.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

So I watched “The Game” Friday and was thrown off by how, for lack of a better word, random the show has become. I don’t watch it that often so seeing how all the story lines from this season played out was interesting to say the least. And is Principle Greer dating the dude that played Kenny on “Soul Food”? I can’t recall the actual character names. I think Kenny dude is cute. I would so date him if I weren’t taken…..and if he lived in AR. *giggles*

To those that don't watch, I'll give a rundown of the scene I'm referring to. Mel (girl)and Derwin (boy) are about to get married when Derwin gets a call from the chick that is pregnant with his kid. He answers and she tells him that she is in labor with their child. He wants to stay but his bride, Mel, tells him to go to the hospital. Mel ends up waiting at the hospital for the baby to be born and she and Derwin are later married in the hospital chapel.

Anyway, so I’m watching the wedding scene with Mel and Derwin’s dumb tails. Why was this fool at his wedding with his cell phone on (not even on vibrate but full outdoor ringer mode)? WHY did he answer the phone (let alone look to see who was callin)? WHY did he leave that girl at the altar? Yeah, yeah I know his ex was about to berf his baby and yeah yeah I know Mel told him to go but still…..just a mess all over. Both of the characters are idiots that deserve one another…and rightfully so.

Sidenote: Seeing Mel’s mother slap Derwin silly tickled me to pieces.

Anyway, so I’m sitting and watching Mel at the hospital waiting for her almost so close she can taste it husband to come give her the news about the baby. Then I think, could I do that? Could that be me? In two short words, HELL.NO. The birth of a child is an important event, no doubt, but seriously…what would a few more minutes difference have made for them to at least finish the ceremony THEN leave? I would have been more apt to be supportive once I had that ring on my finger and been pronounced man and wife.

To those that watched, what about you guys? If placed in the same predicament, could you? Would you?

Tasha Mack, that's the name …it just came to me!

I don't wanna be saved.........

Yesterday Z and I went to sit and visit with Mr. B and his sister (click here to find out why). We had probably been there the better part of 30 or 40 minutes when the doorbell rings with more company stopping by to pay their respects. This guy comes in with his two daughters. He introduces himself and his kids, they sit down, and we continue to talk. Mr. B was telling us a story about when he used to live in CA and drove down to AR with some friends of his. He had us rolling laughing, it was hilarious. lol Then, he (the guest) did it. He started the interrogation. What's that you ask? The interrogation that always starts with that oh so "innocent" question......."So what church do you go to?". *RMERHTTWMS* (rolling my eyes real hard 'til the white meat shows". I knew as soon as he fixed his mouth to ask where that convo was headed and released a deep sigh as a warning signal to let his ass know I wasn't in the mood.

If there's one thing I absolutely CANNOT stand is churchfolk. And not just any ole' churchgoer. The kind that feels that their life's work is to make you their hoe and them the captain to help save you from the "unholy" and "unchristianlike" life they think you are leading by not going to church or by practicing another faith other than christianity. REALLY? GTFOH!

Anyway, so it started with that question and he kept on and on and on. Especially after Z told him he was of Sooni-Muslim faith and I told him I was non-denominational. Oh goodness no...not that! You would have thought the man said he worshipped satan and he pretty much implied that I did because being non-denominational now means that you don't believe in God. REALLY? I say again GTFOHWTHBS!!!! After about 20 minutes (too long) of his ass being way more than too nosey, he and Z going back and forth about their different faiths (read dude trying to tell Z what he believed was wrong), and me seeing Mr. B give ole' boy the side-eye no less than 3 times I put a stop to it all.

Me: "Excuse me Mr. ....what's your name again?
Mistah: Mr. S
Me: Mr. S, with all due respect, this is neither the time NOR the place for this conversation. We are all here, or are supposed to be here, for one reason and one reason only...to visit with Mr. B. and Grace and support them right now NOT to have a come to Jesus meeting. Now if it's not too terribly hard for you, would you mind keeping your questions and/or comments regarding the way WE (pointing and Z and myself) live our lives to yourself. Thanks.
Mistah: Oh sister
Me: I ain't ya sister
Mistah: Oh, *sarcastic chuckle* well Ms. I meant no harm I was just trying to get to know you and your...is it your husband or boyfriend.
Me: *taking a deep breath with a smirk on my face* He is my boyfriend (I had to REALLY resist the urge to say "AND??", lmao)but I can see where this is going and I will not entertain you any longer, just know people like you are the reason why I no longer participate in organized religion.

Just then the doorbell rings (such impeccable timing) and in walks his wife. She came in and introduced herself and I personally felt that I was our que to mosey on up out of that joint. We said our goodbyes and do you know this dude tried to actually hug me?? AS IF?! I extended my hand to shake his, told his ass bye and went over to hug Mr. B and Grace.

Needless, to say Z and I heard great conversation about Captain Save a Soul when we returned home. At first I was a little remorseful about saying what I said in front of his kids. Then I wasn't and got over it. I'm sure this dude does this all of the time so this is something they are used to. I kinda feel sorry for them because their daddy is dumb as a box of rocks.

Today, after returning from grocery shopping, Mr. B called and asked if could he come over. Once he arrived, he told us he had come to apologize for the way ole boy treated us. Hmmmm, seems I read those side-eyes correctly. lol He also said that he did another one of his guests that came to visit later that evening the exact same way! Really? Dude needs to be bitch slapped with his bible....like for real. Of course we told Mr. B that there was no need for him to apologize. It's not his fault his church fam is an idiot. I did apologize to Mr. B, I had actually planned on calling him today when I returned home, for overstepping my bounds in his home. He told me there was no need for my apology because he would have done the same thing. lol I heart him. Mr. B said the next time he is over there and tries that he will put a stop to himself because it is extremely rude and disrepectful to him and to his guests. I concur!!! Go Mr. B!! I'd pay to be a fly on that wall when that happens. lol

I'm just glad I finally opened my mouth to voice my opinion. Granted I may have been in the wrong with my timing but I was beyond sick and tired of his useless drivel. There have been SO many times when I would just let something like that slide because of the "respect your elders" clause but you know what...I just don't care anymore. I was so put off by his bitchassedness (with his six car garage that has no cars in it because they all sit outside....yeah he's a strange one...or a big fat liar) and the fact that he put respect by the wayside for the sake of his own agenda. Over the years, I've found myself becoming more and more disgusted by people like him. It's obvious they lack the basics of hometraining and common sense. I love my life and the way I live it. It works for me. I don't need your stamp of approval nor do I need your advice on ways to live a "better" life. Please believe if and when I need your opinion, I will ask. Until then, kick rocks and kiss my ass.

It's really not me.........

...........I promise. They keep putting this stuff out here on the innernets and I just have to watch and share. Your world is a better place for knowing that this stuff and that these people exists. I'm keeping ya'll in the know so you can be on the lookout for the crazies. You can thank me later with Girl Scout cookies.

Anyway, I present to you some of the weirdest sh*t I think I've come across on youtube to date. While the pop-up text was really creative, I really don't think making a gospel song about "no mo' breakfast" is the way to coerce people that Kingdom of Heaven is where they want and/or need to be. And I lied.....the pop-up text is not really that great although it did serve as a good translating tool. I guess my seat in heaven is in jeopardy....*weeps*

Thanks Goli!!

Sixth Sense........

Yesterday I tuned into one of the local radio stations on my way home from work. On this particular station, the dj in the afternoon has “the call of day” which normally features crazy stuff someone has called in to say regarding a topic of discussion or just whatever is on their mind. Yesterday’s call came from a young lady that was on her lunch break. She said that instead of going to grab a bite to eat something told her to go home for lunch. When she arrived she said that she saw her best friend’s car in the driveway and her boyfriend’s car (who just happened to be off from work). During the time of the call, she had been sitting outside waiting (up the street from the house) in her car for about 3 ½ hours for someone to come out. Well I guess they were taking too long her liking so she called the radio station to have him play a request (“Bust Your Windows” by Jazmine Sullivan) before she went and handled her business. She said that her boyfriend (probably ex-boyfriend by now) had a bat in the trunk of his car. When I say I hollered, I am not lying. I had my windows down and folks were looking at me crazy. Ask me if I care. LMAO! While you’re at it, ask me why I called the station to try and get through to ask him to have her call back with her location so I could go watch. WHAT?! That’s entertainment! Lol

Z and I talked about it (he heard it too after they replayed it the next hour) briefly but really we were just laughing at the entire situation. I questioned why she didn’t just go back in the house because most folks, IMO, would want to handle that situation right then and there and not procrastinate. He made a good point that some folks can’t handle seeing the actual act, just knowing is enough. I thought about it and wondered how I would handle the situation and honestly I can’t say because I’ve never been in a web quite that tangled before. The closest I’ve come is seeing an ex out with their current girlfriend but honestly what could I do other than roll my eyes and call her an ugly b*tch under my breath? Lol I would hope that I could contain myself but like I said you never really know. I just hope I never have to find out (cause I keep a lot of knives at the house and am not opposed to cutting a b*tch).

Anyway, the dj says he has the chicks # so he is going to call her back today to receive an update. If I remember to tune in, I’ll let ya’ll know what the outcome was.

Homework Pitbull Style

I know I am probably overkilling with the politics posts and stuff but ya'll this crazy bitch really amuses me. I mean really she does. Do yourselves a favor and watch the interviews that she's done with Charlie Gibson so far. Maury Povich is less entertaining...I PROMISE! LMAO!!!

Sarah Palin's pre-Charlie-Gibson-interview worksheet - Upload a Document to Scribd

Read this document on Scribd: Sarah Palin's pre-Charlie-Gibson-interview worksheet

Uh oh, Uh oh, Uh oh, Uh ohhhhhhh shit!

From the desk of Stella Foster of the Chicago Sun-Times:

JUST IN: R&B singer Usher reportedly has separated from his much older wife, Tameka Foster, who reportedly is expecting their second child in December.

Check it out by clickin on the link and go about halfway down the page but it says just what it shows above. lol

http://www.suntimes.com/news/foster/1144401,CST-NWS-stella04.article

Oh yeah, Jesse Jackson has checked into the hospital too.

One Liner of the Day.........

Sarah Palin is Newt Gingrich in drag




**I only wish I had a picture to accompany this.

Pictures of the Day

Picture of the Day

Teach Me How to Love (in the Sanctuary)........

One of my blog buddies sent this to me vial email. She says this took place in Memphis. If that is the case, it all makes sense now.

Members of World Overcomers were shocked on last Sunday morning when they entered the place where they assemble to worship God. In the pulpit was a Queen sized bed draped in burgundy and gold. Members were wondering why the place that normally Pastor Alton R. Williams preaches the word of God from had turned into a large bedroom, when he entered wearing a robe and pajama pants with his bible in hand, the lights are dimmed, mode music is playing,Williams at this point lays on the bed reading from the Songs of Solomon. While still reading the bible his wife Sherrilyn enters the sanctuary wearing a long red feathered seductive fitting gown. Mrs. Williams very seductively walks across the pulpit turn bedroom and sits on the bed next to her husband. She closes his bible and begins to rub on him, and then lefts him from the bed and very passionately embraces and kisses him. Pastor Williams whose Sunday morning freak session is designed to save marriages tells the women in the congregation "This is how to keep your husband so the Hoe don't get him".

*If I may interject just for two seconds to add a WTF???!!!!* Okay, back to the email.

In my opinion A.R. Williams has gone to far, the pastor who spent $260,000 to build a statue that reminds you of the Statue Of Liberty has lost his God focus and now become an entertainer willing to do anything to keep fleecing his flock of their money so that he can continue to live his luxury lifestyle.In a time that people in the community need the Word of God for deliverance from their plights by allowing the word to get them up and motivated to make changes in their lives, this fool wants to hold Sunday morning sex classes. What about salvation and the saving of souls? I guess with New Directions Church being less than a mile away Williams is losing members which means that he is losing dollars. So what will Williams do next Sunday, Show the men how to please their wives by performing oral sex on sister Sherrilyn, or maybe he'll give a course on the various positions of lovemaking. What ever it is you can be sure that his cult of followers at WORLD OVERCUMMERS will not get a show without paying.

Here is a response to the outrage caused by his display from the pulpit:

Hello All:Pastor A R William is now on the Bev Johnson Show explaining what he did on Sunday morning. His message: marriages are coming under attack and so many men are coming under an attacked by women on the outside. Husbands don't know how to talk to their wives at home so; they go out on the outside to get what they want because they are not getting it at home. If men knew how to talk to their wives, they wouldn't have to go outside to get what they are looking for…… so many women were taught at a young age that sex is wrong or nasty so as a way to get their attention, he got in the bed with his pj's on and his wife walked in without rollers in her head or flannel pj's. She came in looking sexy, which helps keep the man at home. He taught from the bed, reading the Bible, and explaining why so many men go outside looking for love. He was only sending a message; " How to keep your man at home by looking good and communicating. A wife needs to know what her man loves and what his needs are as well as the man needs to know what his wife needs and what she loves.