Showing posts with label Crazy Kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy Kids. Show all posts

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Kids Do the Darndest Things.................

If I leave now, I'll have juuuuuuuuuust enough time to swing by (insert place you know you're not supposed to be) before she gets home.

I know she told me not to touch the cookies but it's just one. She won't miss it.

I'll clean up the den and just tell her I cleaned the whole house.

No mama, I wasn't talking in class.

I wish she'd go to bed so I could get on the phone with Lil Johnny.

I wonder if the car can make it down this flooded street. (it didn't)

She'll never find out.

I don't know about y'all but this is a small list of thoughts from young AR Gal that sometimes managed to get me in world of trouble (and frequently occasionally molly whopped upside the head). Why? Because I wasn't as slick as I thought I was. Granted, I got away with quite a bit of the little stuff but mama always seemed to be in the know when I f'd in a MAJOR way. Thinking back, how could she not? I've got a laundry list of "I did some stupid stuff" tucked away in my belt from when I was a youngster. I'm sure you all do as well but nothing and I mean nothing beats the story of what happened to my friend and her teenage son last week.

Backstory-my friend is black. Her husband is white. They have two children, a teenage son (who he claims as his) she had with her first husband and a four year old with her current beau. They have lived in BFE (Butt Phuck Egypt, i.e. the boonies), a predominantly white town, for the past 8 or 9 years. They've never experienced any issues because of their family makeup.

Back to last week. My friend gets a call from her teenage son that a white man is outside of their home threatening him using racial slurs and has wrecked his car by ramming into it several times. My friend is, undoubtedly, upset. Like balling at work while trying to gather her bearings to get home. She's told me a number of times that one of her worst fears is something happening to him and them not being able to get to him. This is mainly because of the distance because she, the husband and younger son travel to the city each day (the commute is about an hour each way ....like I said BFE) because of work and daycare, leaving their oldest in town (basically) alone.

On the way to the house, police are called. The F--B--I -- is called. The ACLU is even on the list to be called but she never got that far. Why? Cause his ass lied about the whole.dang.thing. He had a wreck but was too scared to tell the truth.

*WOMP WOMP*

After investigating the scene, the po po pretty much knew the kid was lying because there were no secondary car tracks (or debris) in the yard and the fact that they had received numerous reports about a black male in a car (like his) driving erratically down the street. He finally gave in and told the truth but only after being threatened with arrest. *sigh*

The kid got off lucky......with the law anyway. That remains to be seen with his parents. He has been stripped of every luxury. No computer access, no Wii, no Ipod, no cell phone, no nothing. I asked her if he'd apologized or if was remorseful about what he'd done. She said she doubted it. When his dad went to claim the iPod he'd forgotten to take during the initial swipe of goods, do y'all know this lil dude had the audacity to say 'You can't take this, it's mine'.

Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllle...................................................iCan't.

I can't recall off the top of my head if I was ever bold enough to get sassy with my mom after getting busted. If I was, I'm pretty sure I regretted it soon thereafter.

Anyhoo for his sake, I hope he's laying low and willingly doing chores. He's got a lot of kissing up to do.

Let's hear it blog land. What's the dumbest thing you ever did as a kid? Spill your guts in the comments. I double dog dare ya!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

YouTube Foolishness: Congo Edition

Apparently this.........




is Suzy's interpretation of this. Did she do a good job?



Why don't they play music like this in aerobics classes?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

TEEN MOM...........



Amber
  • The next time she kicks Gary out, he should just go and sit on the porch until she changes her mind.
  • They are so damn in love with being dysfunctional that it's comical at this point.
  • With that being said, I can't wait to see her mollywhop him upside the head next week. What?
  • Poor baby Leah



Farrah
  • This chick should be the poster child for the 'Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child' movement. Like seriously.
  • How many folks think she wants to use the money for her and not just the baby?
  • Why didn't she put the boys name on the birth certificate????!!!!
  • As so eloquently stated by Babs, " I really like that attorney. I appreciate his tell it like it is style."
  • I wish her attorney and shrink could get her in a locked room to really shake some sense into her. Talk about a reality check. I would pay GOOD MONEY to be a fly on that wall.
  • Someone told me that she didn't even tell the boy she was pregnant. He had to find out about it through the grapevine. Don't know how true that is but it wouldn't shock me. That's typical Farrah dumbassedness behavior.


Catelynn and Tyler
  • Is it insensitive of me to think they are dwelling on the adoption way too much? Like EVERY thing is about the baby they gave up. Oh and Butch being back in jail and\or rehab(which I've figured out is just really always been code for jail) I mean come on, don't they ever talk about anything else like I dunno.......homework?
  • Probably not as evidenced by those C's and D's Catelynn has on her report card.
  • I didn't realize Catelynn's mother's (aka METHod Mom) forehead was so damn big. It looks like an enlarged gourd.


Maci
  • I'm drawing blanks. I really don't remember much about her story last night other than her actually moving to Nashville to be with Magilla.
  • I guess it's a good thing the aftershow is all about Maci








Thoughts? DISCUSS!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

YouTube Foolishness: Higher Learning Edition

I watch a lot of trash TV if I'm off during the work week allowing my eyes feast on a plethora of phuckery.

Shout out to People's Court and Maury Povich!!!

What I've learned is Education Connection is all the rage! Really, I don't know but with the way the commercial aired (at almost every commercial break last week on Labor Day) you would think so.

Here's the original commercial:



Here's the remake from a little person. I have several comments about that wig but for the sake of being an adult (and the fact the kid was having fun playing around), I'll keep it to myself. :D



GET CONNECTED FOR FREE....it's catchy isn't it?


Sunday, August 08, 2010

Mission BBA(s): Wrap-Up

Yep, that's right. I'm totally lumping all remaining days into one. It's been a whirlwind since day four. Soooooooooo, let's see.

So after the early day birthday celebration, as planned, we took the kiddos to the go-cart place. With them still being so young, we had to do the double cart thing so Mistah and I could drive them around the track. All was going well until I phucked sh!t up! As I was bringing the cart into the bay, I misjudged the spacing between the space the cart goes in and the cement block that separates the lanes where the carts are parked. Here's a pic to give you an idea of what I mean.


Unfortunately for us, there were no tires in front of the thing to help soften the blow. Also, I wasn't going that fast so that helped BUT that crap still hurt!!! BBA #2 was riding with me and suffered the fate of my mind blowing go-cart skills. I was so shocked by what I had just done that I didn't even notice him crying at first. After checking him over, he said that only his tongue hurt (from where his teeth bit it) and he was off with the birthday boy to play video games for awhile. Mistah didn't help matters by laughing at me (in private) saying that I looked like a crash test dummy from behind and proceeded to demonstrate the slow motion version of our motor vehicle accident....bastid. Anyway, we went back out for round two and BBA#2 stated emphatically that he no longer wanted to ride with me but Mistah. LOL Hey, I can't blame him. I gave BBA#2 some kids med's and checked him over the next morning to make sure he was still ok. Luckily, he said only his tongue still hurt. Unluckily for me, I was sore as hell!!!! *growls* Thank goodness I have a back supply of prescribed medication to help with things of this nature. :D

After the birthday shenanigans, I took them to a few places in Little Rock the next day one of which was my place of employment. We had 'the best behavior talk' prior to going in. I swear it was like talking to deaf children because nothing I said took. They lived up to their name and showed their complete and total Billy Bad Asses!!!! After hightailing it out of there with my tail between my legs, we had another talk in the car about what was going to transpire once we arrived back home. Yep, that's right! I had to beat some Billy Bad Ass! As with all kids I imagine, they thought I had forgotten as they were asking about watching cartoons and slip and sliding again.

I made them sit in the reflection corner (thanks Super Nanny), gave them another talk (I still don't think it sunk in), made their dinner, gave baths and put.them.to.bed!

Friday was their last full day and it was extremely low key. So low key, that I can't even remember what we did other than taking them next door to visit with my (elderly) neighbors cleaning up and watching Alvin and the Chipmunks The Squeakquel. *sigh*

And then they were gone. We left around 9'ish Saturday morning to take them back to Memphis to reunite with their parents and little brother (who is oh so cute and juicy for an eight month old). He looks a lot like BBA#3 only darker (more like my complexion for those of you that know what I look like). My sister suggested that since the baby will be older next year that she send all three of them down next year. Ya'll know I'm never one to shy away at laughing at a hilarious moment so I proceeded to cackle in her face and call her crazy. She shouldn't even let that thought cross her mind again until that child is closer to three or four years of age.

While I do miss them, I am quite happy to have my life back to normal. No more cartoons, no more Fruit Loops, no more kids!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Mission BBA(s): Day Four

First, I would like to give a shout out to Gorgeous P. and K.Rock for bestowing me with the honor of the Versatile Blogger award! And here I thought I was just a one trick pony.....not to be confused with My Little Pony. Now I just have to remember where I saw that little picture so I can showcase it on the blog. :D

So today is BBA #3's big day....his 5th birthday! He informed all in the household yesterday, that once he woke up that everyone would have to sing him the happy birthday song and give him presents.

Oh really now?!


I'll cut him some slack since today is his birthday but that child (smh and LOL at the same time) has a bad case of 'got a mouth full of want and a hand full of nothin'-itis. At any rate, today has been a good day so far. I did a bit of decorating for him last night and arranged his gifts so he would walk in and see them on display. Of course, all he saw were the presents............LOL. After he played for a bit with his brother and took his birthday calls, we went to a matinee showing of 'Despicable Me'. AWESOME movie! I don't watch kid flicks all that often but this one ranks right up there with 'The Incredibles'. I still love watching that movie.

Afterward, I took them out to lunch at the best little fast food place in the world.....Chick-fil-A! We made a quick pit stop in the restroom and I got to experience one of those embarrassing moments that mother's often speak of. The stall that we went in had a combination of post BM\women folk odor. BBA #3 proceeds to exclaim, "Aunt AR Gal it stinks in here! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!". I had to laugh to keep from crying because the lady that funked it up had just walked out of the stall and well it really did stink.



Once Mistah gets home from work and I wake them up from their nap (both of which should be occurring any minute now) , we'll do the cake thing and then take them to the go cart place once the sun goes down a bit.

I just hope he doesn't throw up again.

Until tomorrow (or something close to it)................




Monday, August 02, 2010

Mission BBA(s): Day Two & Three

I's tyred..........but I don't know why. Now that I sit here thinking about everything that we've done it really hasn't been that much but it seems like we have just been going, and going, and going. Energizer Bunny Game Proper.

The day seems to pass by sooooooooooooo quickly. The fact that I'm still waking up at my normal time of five am isn't helping matters much. First you have to feed them breakfast and keep them entertained by planning an activity or letting them watch Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, PBS or one of the dvd's they brought along. By the time I've gotten them fed, the kitchen cleaned, clothes laid out and ironed for the days outing, teeth brushed, faces washed and all that jazz, it's time for lunch and dinner. *sigh* At any rate, I'm convinced that if we ever decide to have kids that being a stay at home mom is out of the question (like we could afford it with the high cost of daycare but whatever).

Ya'll don't care about my troubles though, you want to know about the kids right? Right. The Cliffnotes version is as follows:
  • Sunday we went bowling. Everyone had a good time and we all got at least one strike in.
  • There were plans to take them to the park this morning (not an indoor activity I know but it's not so bad as long as it's early) but those were pushed back until tomorrow due to unforeseen circumstances.
  • I found a cake. Actually, it's a mini-cake surrounded by cupcakes. It's really cute, colorful and fits the bill.
  • Today we went to the place I had been hearing about non-stop since I picked them up in M-Town.....Ju-mp Z-one. It's the bees knees around here. Actually, it's nothing more than a bunch of inflated play areas in a building.
  • I wish I had to the funds to open one. They make bank!
  • I let them run free for a little over three hours. I made sure to stop by the Wal--Mart-s and get some magazines to read before I let time slip away.
  • They are really some entertaining kids. BBA #3's rendition of 'There Goes My Baby' would make you feel emotion even if you had no soul. Hilarious!
  • Speaking of, he got to speak with his kinda sorta girlfriend on the phone Saturday. The convo was going great until I heard, 'so are you my girlfriend now or what?'. They are gonna have issues with that one.
  • He's a tattle-tale too. Three days in and now I just ignore him.
And with that, I'm off to bed. Maybe I'll sleep 'til six tomorrow. *fingers crossed*

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Mission BBA(s): Day One

Soooooooooooo, Billy Bad Ass numbers two and three are here for the week. Day one was most uneventful as they spent quite a bit of time being chauffeured from their great-aunts house to my mom's house (aka my granny's (RIP) house) to hang out for a bit then to my house.

I was dreading the (two plus hour) drive because those two can TALK!!! All praises to the most high for making it so our bodies need sleep because that's exactly what they did 10 minutes after we got in the car until we arrived in town.


I still have to go get this child a birthday cake (cupcake and/or random sweet something or another). I didn't want to buy it too soon but I don't want to wait until say his birthday to get it either. I think I'll be safe getting one tomorrow or Tuesday.

I haven't a clue as to what today's activities will involve other than they will be strictly INDOOR!

I hope ya'll are having a restful weekend cause guess what? I AIN'T!

And now for a musical selection...............................
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEMIIIIXXX!!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Ummmm.......

......so I'm sitting on the couch web surfing while the kids watch *picks up the remote to look at show information* the Wizards of Waverly Palace. I just noticed that only one of the two is watching as the youngest (see kid in the blue shirt in the post below) is talking to himself....or someone else. I think he has an imaginary friend.

*keeps listening....from a distance*

Monday, January 26, 2009

Cherry Pop

I was over at Freaky D’s spot the other day reading over a post of his. As I made a comment in reference to the first time, my first time popped in my head. I still remember it to this day and just like it was yesterday. The memory is just terrifying and memorable as it was then.

I was 16 at the time which means it was 1993…the summer of that year to be exact. My first boyfriend and the love of my life (until the next one came along) had come over to the house to visit me. I thought this guy was the greatest thing since sliced bread him being my first boyfriend and all. He was tall (6’4”), a bit chubby, not so dark, had a deep voice, and was handsome. His parents were well known because his dad was a preacher. Ya’ll know what they say about PK’s (preacher’s kids) right? They weren’t lyin. This of course was a plus for me because it meant I knew my mom wouldn't scrutinize him half to death since he came from good people.

When he arrived, he did his normal greeting and chatted with my mom until she excused herself into her bedroom which was the next room over. I went and took a seat in one of the chairs because my mom was taking too long running her mouth as usual. I still remember the thought that went through my head as she continued to ramble on, “She’s just doing this on purpose because she doesn’t want us to be alone.” LMAO Now that I think about it, it was probably partly true.

Anyway, so she leaves and he goes over to the couch to have a seat. We started making conversation about whatever was on tv and I get up to get something to drink. I ask him if he wants something, he says yes and I come back with our cups and sit down on the couch next to him. After awhile, he puts his arm around my shoulder movie style and I scoot a little closer. At this point, he is ready to make his move so he asked me something really silly (I can’t remember what right now) that ‘caused me to have to turn my head toward his face. Then it happens….he plants one on me. Finally, I thought! It’s not like we hadn’t kissed before but whenever we did it was always exciting because I got a serious case of the butterflies. It kind of feels like I got them again thinking about it typing this post….so stranjay!

One thing leads to another (read heavy petting) and we end up on the floor. He’s laying on top of me when I feel the bulge happen. Once again, this was nothing new because our kissing sessions tended to get hot and heavy. So then I hear him ask if I wanted to. Wanted to what, I ask back. So he gives me this look and I just stare and ask understanding what he means…are you serious? Here…now? He says yes but only if I want to. This goes on for another minute or so until I finally say yes. *sigh* Every time, I think about this the same question goes through my head…..what the fuck where you thinking??? He proceeds to unzip his fly and put the condom on while I scoot out of my shorts. Then well, you know what happens next except remember this is my first time ever so I had no clue as to what I was about to experience. I was just horny and ready to do it. *smdh* While we’re kissing, I feel him easing the tip in when he (accidentally) falls on me. Like literally all of his weight collapses on (and in) my body including his you know what. Oh.my.lawd!!!! All I felt was pain and my face showed it. My eyes and my mouth shot open and I drew in a gasp of big air. PK new exactly what happened so he covers my mouth with his hand and just starts saying I’m sorry over and over and over. After I recover and was able to talk he asked if I was okay. I say yes and he asked if I wanted to continue. I figured why not, you’re still in there so keep on. Of course he never came close to rocking my world, but the feeling wasn’t so bad after the initial ummmmmmm entry.

A bit of time passes when I hear a door open…the door to my mom’s bedroom to be more exact. I don’t know if time sped up or slowed down but the time it took for him to scoot against the couch (and cover up his lower half with his shirt) and for me to scoot against the side of the chair (so she wouldn’t see my half nekkid behind) was less than a second…I promise!

Mama: PK, you have a phone call, it’s your sister.

PK: Ok.

Mama: You can get it in the kitchen

PK: Ok, thank you.

I couldn't turn around but I hear her still standing there and I knowing my mom like I do, she is wondering why the boy wasn’t moving. Lol

Mama: Well are you gonna get the phone.

PK: Yes ma’am, I’m getting up now.

I don’t know if she sensed something was up or she just got tired of waiting on him to actually get up from the floor but she turned around and headed back in the other room. It was then that I realized I was holding my breath and let the air escape. My heart was racing and I was damn near close to tears. While he headed off to the kitchen I quickly gathered my draws and shorts and put them back on. My head was down and I saw a blood stain on the carpet. Shit, I thought. I ran to the laundry room to get something to put down on the carpet to clean it up with. Luckily the cleaner was strong because the stain came right on up.

PK, finishes up his call and tells me he will have to leave in about an hour because he has to pick his little sister up. I told him we should step outside to talk. The conversation consisted of nothing more than we were SO glad that we didn’t get caught, I love you, blah blah blah. Of course the topic of when to do it again came up since we didn't get a good start. We decided that next time we would have to actually have to be somewhere that there was privacy (no shit sherlock) and we did. The next time we did it at his folks house while everyone was gone. :-)

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Doin Da Butt

Press Play for some funny stuff (thanks to her brother). Lucky for her she didn't turn up on a milk carton and returned home safely. It's amazing how kids think they are fully grown once they turn 18. I remember being the same way. Most folks that read this blog are truly adults in every aspect of the word and know that being grown and mature @ 18 is the farthest thing from the truth. I hope her brother stays true to his word and keeps this video so that when she gets a little older she can see how young and dumb she truly was at eiiiiiigggghhhttteeeeeeeeeen-ah! (You'll get this after you see the vid). lol


Giving you what I got....musically