Just when……..

…..I think I have nothing to blog about, Mother Earth works her magic and VOILA!

I ventured out to a beauty supply store in Mexican Central (aka SW Little Rock) today. They are the only place I have been able to find that carries raw black soap. That’s pretty sad considering you could go to any other major city and find it (relatively) easy…..or at least I think so. It’s also pretty sad that I work with a lot of African people and not one of them could tell me where I could go to buy some. Boo. Anyway, the downside is they only carry it in small sizes (about $2 for .5 oz) but I figure I can grab a lot of them at one time and it would still be cheaper than buying it online and paying for shipping.

Moving on.

So I grabbed my supply, headed to the cash register and proceed to have the most intriguing conversation with the young lady that checked me out.

YL: Did you need help finding anything or were you ready to check out?

Me: *smiles* Oh, I’m ready.

YL: So, do you use this all over your body?

Me: Yeah, face and all.

YL: Really? I tried it once but broke me out.

Me: Oh no! Well you can’t tell. You have a beautiful complexion.

YL: Yeah well it wasn’t anywhere you could see.

Me: (wondering where the hell this girl could be talking about….her ankles?) Oh?

YL: Yeah it was down there *points to her nether regions with her finger*

Me: Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

YL: I mean it was real bad. My grandmama had to call the medical emergency number and everything because it was puffed up like this (yes she really held her fist up)

Me: Oh my! I don’t blame you not using any longer. Well, thanks and have a nice day!

Now at this point, I’m laughing but she was too so it wasn’t totally awkward. I didn’t realize when she asked if I used it all over my body she really meant allllllllll over mah body. I just assumed she meant exposed skin. LOL Oh well, at least I learned something new today…I think.

AR Gal PSA................

When speaking about the Lord (especially on social networking sites), please refrain from using Ebonics or speaking/typing unintelligibly. I beg of you. Seeing the word 'come' typed as 'cum' when trying to holy roll ain't cute. No really it ain't.

YouTube Foolishness: Lost One's Edition

I can't.................

Bloody Mary's

I’m supposed to be working on a report (and have been since last Wednesday). I can’t seem to get my writing juices flowing this morning so I decided to do a post instead. Honestly, I haven’t been doing so good in the productivity department since my boss took off for vacay. *sigh* I’m going to do better…..when she gets back. *shudders*

Today’s post is brought to you today by the letters N-A-S & T-Y. That’s the word I used to describe whichever hoe, b*tch, scallywag, diseased rhinoceros pheasant trollop decided to leave traces of their menstrual cycle all over one of the commode seats in the ladies room. And I'm not just talking a single drop....that ish was splattered.....on both sides.....like some damn abstract art!!! Say it with me folks….EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

I was beyond grossed out and extremely pissed that the offender (1) didn’t even have the common courtesy to wipe that sh*t off so it wouldn’t be visible and/or (2) have enough common sense to look at the seat before they left the stall. I only wish that I could have seen who it was so I could have added their name to the sign I made and taped on the wall in the stall.

I just went to look for the picture of the sign in my phone and realized I forgot to take one.

(insert Niecy Nash Clean House grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sound effect here)

No worries, I made another for effect.

I was telling Z about it and he just shook his head and gave the usual ‘Makes you wonder what they are like at home’ response. You know what? I don’t really care. Do what you want in your own home but at least TRY and have some type of damn decorum/manners/home training (well I guess that wouldn’t apply if one is that nasty at the house) about yourself in public…..GOOD GRIEF! I refuse to even go in that stall anymore. As a matter of fact, I do believe I shall start going upstairs to handle my beeswax. Yeah, yeah I know nasty is everywhere but there are way less people on that floor and I’d rather take my chances squatting elsewhere.

Why you over there lookin’ at me?

My co-worker annoys the Sh’Nikes out of me. Every time I get up from my desk, she breaks her neck to see where I’m walking. Every time I walk back to my desk, she just stares…..intently. Now I just avoid eye contact with her and keep my eyes focused in whatever direction I’m going (but I can still see her looking in my peripheral vision). This behavior is strange (to me) as my personality is such that I really could care less about what anyone around me is doing.

You’re going to a meeting? Do I have to go? No? Great! Have fun!

You have a visitor at your desk? Good for you! I can’t hear what you’re saying over the music in my headphones anyway.

You’re trying to sneak out early? Great! Have loads of fun!

You diggin’ a booger out of your nose? Ewww but just don’t flick it over here or let me catch you eating it ‘cuz I’m tellin’!

That reminds me, I have a short story about that.

As long as you are not a disgruntled employee and refrain from coming into the building to shoot ‘em up at the OK Corral then we’re good.

This chick though…..she’s just different and stuff. She’s been in our group for almost one year but has been with the organization for maybe three or so. She was placed here during the re-org that happened last year. One experience I had early on really helped shape my opinion of her.

I was working on a report and needed no distractions so I sought refuge in one of the empty conference rooms on the opposite end of our department’s floor. During a break, I visited the lady’s room and went to my desk to grab a granola bar to snack on. I saw her sitting at her desk so I spoke.

Me: Hey Sh’Nike

Sh’Nike: Hey AR Gal, I missed you!

Me: *strange look on my face* Girl ion't even know you Ummmmm, oh. Well, I’ll see you later.

(I must point that I had only known this chick for maybe a month up to this point)

As I walked back to the conference room, I heard heels clomping (loudly) on the floor. I turned to see who it was and saw her little head peeking around the corner watching me to see where I was going. I turned my head back around and headed to the stairwell to go up one floor and came back down in one of the side stairwells to get back to the conference room. Like I said I needed no distractions and the last thing I wanted was her following me to find out my top secret location. LOL Now in my head, I was thinking….seriously WHO DOES THAT?! In my heart I was thinking, this beesh is CRAZY! I laugh about it now when I tell that story but really….WHO DOES THAT??!!

Mase - Lookin' At Me (1998)

YouTube Foolishness: Junk Food Edition

I haven't graced you all with one of these in awhile. Thanks to FB and my buddy Goli, the wait (not like you all were really waiting, lol) is OVER!! Speaking of, be sure to watch for Lil Mikey aka Lil Wayne's forgotten son. Somebody call Maury!

I hate work meetings

That is all.

This just in....................

This reporter on one of the local networks cracks.me.up! His voice, I can't describe it, but it always elicits the same reaction from me....a fit of giggles! Here are some video clips of him. Be sure to stay tuned up through at least the 23 second mark....comedy! TJ Holmes you are not my dear sir....*swoons*

Fun fact: TJ Holmes used to work for one of the local stations in LR before he moved to CNN. Hmmm, so that wasn't really fun...just a fact.

YUM-E

Granola + yogurt=deliciousness the tenth power

Why come none of ya’ll hipped me to this before???

It’s crazy because I have always eaten granola bars and yogurt (separately) but never together until yesterday morning. I picked up a container (I only needed one more to get me through the work week) of strawberry yogurt by default the other day because the store was out of my favorite, Yoplait key lime pie whipped. I loved the firmer texture of the whips versus the somewhat slimy standard texture of regular yogurt.

Anyway, as you can see, this has granola that can be mixed in. Now while I wasn't totally blown away, it was still quite yummy. So this morning I decided to try breaking up one of my granola bars into the whip. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa'lllllllllllllllllll, it was so good that I almost took my tail to the grocery store to buy another thing of (50 cent) yogurt just so I could have another!

I can't wait until tomorrow morning.

Well.....

..................I finally found the one thing I knew I would if I stayed on FB long enough. A high school classmate that is now a grandmother. *dry heaves, vomits, faints* It really comes as no surprise to me as people in my class started popping out kids like doo doo balls as early as 14.

Sidenote: I'm watching "Let's Talk About Pep". The Asian dude Pep is on the romantic getaway with looks like he is allergic to bee stings around the eye area and that's all I'm gonna say about that. Oh and I hate Pep's hair, wig, weave, choice of synthetic blend.

Anyway, like I was saying....no big surprise BUT it's still shocking to see/know that someone my age not only has a shitload of a lot of children but a grandchild to boot! One guy I graduated with has no less than 10 kids!!! Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nueve, TEN (and is probably making more as I type this but I ain't one to gossip so you ain't heard that from me)!!

Is it strange that I find this strange or is it strange that these folks have a plethora of kids with grandkids?

Tap, tap, tap………

I was accosted by a man the other day while pumping gas at S.a.m’s C—lub. Thinking back now it’s kind of funny but if I may be honest, it totally caught me off guard when it happened. I was sitting in the car playing around with my phone waiting on the gas to finish pumping when I heard him. I just assumed it was the attendant trying to tell me something.

Tap, tap, tap

*me looking up from the phone to find a rather rotund man standing outside of the passenger side window*

I cracked it just a nudge.

RM: Hey how you doing Miss lady?

*oh lawd here we go*

Me: Fine

At this point I noticed he had his AR Dept. of Corrections uniform on.

RM: Well I just noticed you pumping your gas and thought you looked kinda nice.

*KINDA NICE???!!! Negro I’m FOINE!*

RM: You gotta man?

Me: Yeeeeeeeep

RM: Aww, well he shol’ is lucky. Can I give you my card in case you change your mind about that?

*pump the brakes* Corrections Officers have business cards??? LOL Who knew?

Me: Neeeeerrp

RM: Oh well, my name is Carlos. It was nice to meet you.

Me: *rolls the window up*

THROWBACK!

I just heard this song on a commercial on the boob tube. Good music yo!

Fun fact: This is my first time EVER seeing this video.

Don't you just hate it when....

.....you are in a meeting and the meeting organizer/leader isn't organized and doesn't know how to lead?

......you walk into a stall in the ladies restroom and see a plethora of scented talcum powder that has fallen out of someone's draws and spilled all over the floor and commode?

Girl You So Different and Stuff………..

While perusing on FB a little while ago, I noticed Nerd Girl’s status about one of her co-workers breakfast cuisine of Funyuns and Diet Mt. Dew after her loved one’s health crisis earlier this week. I refrained from posting a detailed reply of my opinion on FB because well it’s FB and you never know who’s zoomin’ who on there but I digress.

One of my colleagues, God love her, nearly lost her life to a stroke and a (near) brain aneurysm a few years back. She’s recovered quite well and there are no signs that she even had a health issue. Well other than the fact that that the hair the doctors shaved off hasn’t grown back as long as it was (past her shoulders) but you would never know that unless she told you. So like I said….no signs. Now while I commend her on making a full recovery, I get annoyed when I see her. Why? Because every morning she stops by my desk to chat, she has a bag from McD’s in one hand (with her and one of those cold coffee thingamajigs in the other. Now I know some of you may be thinking, “Why should you care?” Well, damn shouldn’t she? Now I’m not one to say what I’ll never do because I learned a long time ago that’s just pretty much setting yourself up for failure BUT I’m pretty darn certain I wouldn’t be doing that if I were in her situation. Of course, I’ve never mentioned a word of this to her but sometimes I just want to grab her and shake the shidoobee’s out of her!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Perfect Patty when it comes to eating healthy (and exercise for that matter) and I durn sure don’t have a Coke bottle figure. Can you say booty as flat as a map? Hell I just had a burger (no fries) last night BUT it was cooked at home on the Foreman Grill. Holla! I dunno folks, I don’t wanna judge (even though I am) but it just strikes me odd that considering the circumstances that is what her dietary choice is. It’s her choice though and it is what it is I suppose.

Holla Holla, it's smurder!!!

Snow murder that is. HA! We are on day #3 of being at the house.....well I am on day #3. Z went back yesterday. He hates being cooped up in the house and says the main roads really aren't that bad. I doubt if they are but for the sake of the kids and commuters (especially those that are inexperienced at driving in conditions like these) it's better to be safe than sorry I suppose. I sure hope we can push this out for the rest of the work week. Any day that I don't have to look at my boss's face is a day for rejoicing!!

There's nothing else really going on in the sticks. I have been able to get my workouts done in the morning but haven't taken one single solitary nap. Oooooooo weeeeee, wat up wit dat? Oh wat.up.wit.daaaaaaaaat? You have to watch this to get that. Hmmmm, I see they've made a few more since the original. I need to catch up.

Oh well, I'm off to work on my fitness. Holla!

Snow Day Part Deux!!

And you know what that means? NO WORK!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

In other news, I got a chance to watch 'Twilight' (well some of it because I keep getting interrupted when it comes on) this weekend. I really don't get what all the hoopla was about for this movie. Anyway, this scene had me in STITCHES! If you've seen the film you know the farts are really not the reason why he's acting all itchy gitchy ya ya but it makes it even funnier nonetheless.



I also watched "Sunshine Cleaning" (SC). This is a pretty good film made by the same folks that did "Little Miss Sunshine" (which is absolutely hilarious by the way). I wonder if the "Sunshine" thing is their trademark. It's kinda neat. If you've never heard of SC, the movie is about a single mom that starts her own biohazard removal/crime scene clean-up service with her sister in order to make a better living for herself so she can put her kid into private school after he is thrown out of public school. The same guy (Alan Arkin) that played the grandpa in LMS plays the grandpa in this movie as well and as usual he didn't disappoint. I won't go into much detail, just catch it if you can.

We've been outside the better part of an hour and are frozen solid so I'm off to thaw out but not before I make some snow cream. Toodles!

AR Gal PSA..............................

If you decide to try and pull off a (too little) shirt as a dress, do the world a favor and wear leggings instead of tights. It's really not a good look to see you continue pulling at the back of your shirt dress to prevent your booty from being visible. Better yet, next time just don't put it on or wear some pants with your shirt dress.

Thanks in advance.

Boy Why You So Obsessed with Me?

After seeing Kelly's post with Pedro singing, that MC song is now stuck in mah head! Thanks! LOL

I've been craving the chicken alfredo that our cafe' makes for the past few weeks so I called to see if it was on the menu this week. I was put on hold for several minutes and got impatient so I hung up, grabbed my purse and headed out to my car. I needed to make a stop somewhere else anyway so I figured I'd get something while I was out.

Sidenote: I brought soup for lunch today but was not feeling it. Hmmmm, seems like I'm still failing the 'no spending in February' test. What is I'm gone do???????

When I returned, I saw that my VM indicator light was blinking and that I had two missed calls. I figured it was my boss calling to annoy the sh*t out of me again ask me a question even though we had just gotten out of a 3 1/2 hour meeting. I looked through the caller ID and saw it was the cafe' calling back. Awwww, that was nice I thought. I called my VM and deleted the message without listening. Dude has called me back three times since I got back in the building. LOL I know he is being courteous but gee whiz FIVE calls. DUDE, you're killin' me! I'll pick up the phone if he calls back again to say thanks but no thanks....or maybe just no thank you because that sounds too much like Sarah Palin. Blech!

UPDATE: He called back. I thanked him and asked if they were serving the dish just in case I want it tomorrow. He says, "No Ms. AR Gal. Is that all you had wanted?" *sigh* I won't complain about the grammar because he was polite.

Update sidenote: Ya'll almost caught me slipping (well some of you anyway since others already know me in the afterlife known as FB)! I typed my real name in the update. Thank goodness I re-read this after I posted.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that………….

A chronicle of some of the thoughts that popped in my head Tuesday February 2, 2010

• I really like sunflower seeds…..the kind you have to crack and spit…..and especially flavored ones like ranch and bbq. Flavored ones are really hard to find. I’ve been eating them non-stop for almost two weeks.
• I’m truly tired of people making excuses at work. You’ve known about this final report for well over a year, we’ve done several interim reports in between, requested an extension for the final and you want me to go back to these folks and ask for another just because YOU don’t have your portion complete. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiid…….. How’s that saying go? Your failure to plan does not equate an emergency on my part. Beesh betta have my report!! Holla!
• My actual reply was much less harsh but very direct.
• Grandmama always said that you will sometimes have to smile even when you don’t want to. She was so smart.
• The internet is my sanity during work hours.
• I gave myself a mild heart attack last night while doing my taxes. I selected the incorrect option when entering some of my information causing my taxes to appear significantly less that what it normally is. I retraced my steps and found the error. It’s great never to owe anything but the difference would have been a tough pill to swallow.
• I need to look over my state filing one last time to make sure I didn’t goof anything up on in it before I send it in.
• Do ya’ll file your state taxes online or mail it in? I mail them in. I learned my lesson after being charged $30 and only receiving like $60 back one year. FAIL.
• I don’t have anything that I need to use the refund for. I’m almost tempted to go buy one of those Wii’s but the responsible part of me just says put it all in the bank.
• I can’t wait for the Teen Mom reunion show tonight. It will probably be much less drama filled as I am expecting.
• I read that Farrah’s mom was arrested for beating up on her. LMAO That girl has been asking to be mollywhopped upside the head for a loooooooooooong time.
• Dammit!!! I forgot to take my BC pill and vitamin this morning. Good thing we didn’t bump uglies this morning.
• I want some hot chocolate but my bladder is still full from all the hot lemon water and milk I drank earlier.
• Forget that! I’m still getting some. I’ll just be on the pot all day today.
• Why are you braking BEFORE you merge to get off on the exit???????? And why are you looking at me crazy because you don’t know how to drive? She better be glad I couldn’t get to any of my pennies from heaven to throw at her.

• Ok AR Gal, you are only picking up moisturizer…you hear that????

• That didn’t last long. I just had to have them. The color is much richer in person.
• Sorry Nerd Girl, I failed the ‘no spending in February’ test. I’m gonna do better the rest of the month. :D
• Time to eat, I’s hongray!
• Why do people schedule meetings for several hours? Boo Hiss!
  

You have great Conway Boobs!

We've been iced in most of this weekend and pretty much bored as hell. But hey, we got a free day on Friday so I won't complain, even though I had to work part of the time (Friday) to get a report in because someone else wasn't on their job causing me to have to bring this damn laptop home when that is the last thing I wanted to do especially when there was snow to be played in, a fireplace to be lit, and snuggling to do. *exhales*

To kill time, we watched movies, played around online, and Z did this to me a majority of the time. I miss this daggone show something serious. *pouts*

Chappelle's Show
Great New York Boobs
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story