Reality TV: RHOA

I don’t usually post about the real housewives but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention last night’s epic episode. Sex, lies and surgical tape….OH MY!!!

Let’s start with Sheree’ “Who gon’ check me boo” Whitfield. Her showmance with “Dr.” Tofo leaves a lot to be desired and a bad taste in my mouth. No seriously, I think I threw up a little watching them. If this results in me becoming more familiar with bulimia, I’m totally going to sue Bravo (but not before I buy new size 6 jeans). *Sarah Palin wink* It’s obvious that this mess between them is as fake as his credentials but hey that’s what makes for good TV right?

And why oh why did she not just simply tell him NO when he kept forcing his thumb in her face to lick the cookie dough. Sad as it may seem, some people just don’t respond to and\or understand body language. You would think leaning the opposite direction would have been enough but alas it wasn't so. I personally would have cussed him out. Don't underestimate the power of a good tongue lashing people!!! Besides, a man with a hair part as wide as the Red Sea is NOT to be trusted…in any capacity...ever. #letmypeoplegooooooooo

Next up-Phaedra “Pickles” Parks. This girl swears she is thisclose with all things classy and artistic. Based on her behavior thus far, we all know she wouldn’t know either if it slapped her in the face. The photo shoot…..Lord Jesus. Okay, so I got the play on props, as we all did….pregnancy….cravings….pickles….womp womp. Wouldn’t it have been enough to stop at just posing with the jar? Did we really have to watch them give fellacio to a pickled cucumber? What exactly did you learn in jail Apollo????

I don’t like the fact that when someone mentions RBC’s I will now think of Kim Zolciak instead of roast beef.

Random fact: There is actually a group called Roast Beef Curtains. Perhaps Kim Z. should get together with them and do a song.

The Last (Mother’s Day) Supper. Most of you all were on FB last night laughing, hollering, crying right along with me because hey, it was just that funny. I almost gave myself strep I laughed so hard. My throat is still a little scratchy.

Honestly? I can’t even do it justice with words you’ll just need to watch (or re-watch) this scene for yourself However, I did agree with a couple of things…namely:

1. Pickles is lying about when that baby was conceived

2. Nene’s comment regarding exploratory vaginal techniques:

“Listen, I would never put Kool-Aid, candied yams, peppermint candy, pancake syrup none of those things in my vajayjay….that’s crazy!!”.

I agree! Try if you wanna but when you get a yeasty RBC don’t come back cryin’ to me!

So it seems..............

I've actually had something to blog about for a few weeks and simply just forgot.

Sh'Nike left! Wooooo Hooooooooooooooo!!!! She applied for a different job in the organization. She's been gone for about a month now. For those who don't know about the person formally known as the thorn in my side, you can read about her here annnnnnnnnnnnd here. To add to the list of reasons why I grew to not really like her, this broad had the most awful & annoying habits, ticks and other miscellaneous things she used to do on the daily. Namely a cough......like the king of coughs......like coughing up both lungs at the same time cough. She rarely covered her mouth and after several hints\recommendations\strong suggestions (by myself and others) to seek medical treatment, she FINALLY went to the doctor..............four months later. Wanna know what the diagnosis was?

GD WALKING PNEUMONIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was PISSED at her and the fact she sat directly next to me with that gunk in her trunk for that long. We've got good medical insurance and plenty of sick time to go around. Hell, the last time I looked I think I had close to 200 sick hours to use.

*makes note to utilize a mental health day soon*

Granted, it's not like she knew but still you just don't cough like that for no reason. Your body does things like that for a reason. This just provided further evidence to me that the chick lacked HEAVILY in the common sense department.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnyway, she's gone. I'm good. Actually, I'm great!!!! Wanna know why?

CAUSE I FINALLY GOT ANOTHER JOB DAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWG!!!!

This exciting news was made official yesterday after I accepted the offer. So in a couple of weeks, I'll be moving over a couple of rows to my new team.

So long, to peace and quiet!
So long, to not having a boss in the office!
So long, to having an entire section to myself!
So long, to.....damn I sure am giving up a lot of perks. LOL

Ah well, I was bored and beyond ready for a change. I'm sure I'll be complaining about something or another in a few months (it's in my nature...what can I say?) but until then.................

Tech Support..........

Me: Baby, could you come help me?

Mistah: *yells from the other room* What's wrong?

Me: Can you just come in here.......shit (mumbled under my breath)

Mistah: What?

Me: The tv remote is not working...well it is but the volume doesn't work on it anymore. Like I can't adjust it and it's annoying me because it's too loud.

Mistah: Have you tried reprogramming it?

Me: Yes aaaaaaannnnnnnd I changed the batteries but it's still doing the same thing. I even tested it with the remote in the den (it's the same kind because of our cable boxes). This TV ain't even six months old and it's already acting up. If you can't get it to work, pack this shit up and put it in the trunk because it's going back to where it came from.

Mistah: *looks at the remote...... looks at the TV and moves a magazine out of the way to unblock the sensor......test the remote........hands it back to me........smirks and snickers*

Me: So!!!!!! Oh and thank you!


And now for a musical selection.....................

YouTube Foolishness: Beez Nuts Edition

Antoine Dodson, watch ya back! Carey and Zeke are gunnin' for you.



Oooo, it's sticky!

YouTube Foolishness: Congo Edition

Apparently this.........




is Suzy's interpretation of this. Did she do a good job?



Why don't they play music like this in aerobics classes?

A little bit of this....a little bit of that.........

• I'm officially back at home. After being gone for almost two weeks straight, I can say that I don't like being away from my lovah that long. I hope to never have to be apart from him that long again BUT hey you have to do what you have to do. Unfortunately for him, Mama trumps schlong. Fortunately for us, he knows that and feels the same way.
  
• I'm also back at work....physically anyway. My mind wasn't quite there. At least it was quiet at the plantation today.
  
• We had an opportunity (via work) to go the AR Black Hall of Fame shindig this past weekend. With me being in Memphis (and finding out last minute), I had to decline as I didn't have time to go look for a dress and get my hair done. I heard from one of my co-workers it was really nice. Oh well, maybe next time...if there is a next time.
  
• The weekend didn't vary much from the norm. We rented a few movies and did what lovers do. It's a wonder I'm not barefoot and pregnant. #allpraisestobirthcontrol
  
• The state fair was here (it ended this past Sunday) but I wasn't interested in going. I think the only way I will be convinced to go again is if we kidnap someone's kid to take with us. LOL Don't get me wrong, I love a good turkey leg, corn dog and funnel cake (which is pretty much all I eat when I go) but I gets ty'red of shuckin' and jivin' around rowdy teen's just so I can walk.
• My mama is doing really well. She got the all clear from the doctor last week to resume normal activities. She's doing just that (in moderation of course) but not before she dragged me to the furniture store to purchase some new furniture for the den. It was needed though. My grandma, rest her soul, would be happy to know that her leather-ish sofa, recliner chair, end and coffee table were well used even after she left us. :)
  
• Funny story. While waiting for the doc to come in the room for her post-op check-up, I notice her pulling her pants down.
  

Me: Mama, what are you doing?
Mama: Pulling my pants down.
Me: Ummmmm, why?
Mama: He needs to be able to see the incision.
Me: Well um couldn't you just pull the elastic part of your pants down so just the incision shows when he comes in as opposed completely pulling down your pants?
Mama: Girl hush, he's already seen it. *pointing down yonder*
Me: *cracks up laughing* Well, alrighty then. Carry on.

• My (and Southern Gal's) college alma mater's homecoming is in a couple of weeks. I think I'm going to skip the party(ies) this year. I just want to hang out and catch up at someone's house and throw back some dranks. I said the same thing last year and ended up going out. Go figure.
• I wrote an entire post about a local Bishop stepping down because of an affair he had with a parishioner. Then, I deleted it. I didn't like what I wrote so I scrapped it. Jameil, was the only lucky one to read it (I think). Thanks for the comment lady. :) Now, I'm thinking I should have saved it because it wasn't that bad. Oh well.
  
• Joan Rivers on Fashion Police......killer.
• I'm ready for it to be like 40 to 50 degrees all day long so I can put on my tights. Don't taze me KRock!
• And I think I'm ready for bed. Holla!
  

Reality TV: Teen Mom (Season Finale)

Blogged this as I watched the finale tonight.

• I'm excited to see Carly. I hope she doesn't have a fivehead like her birth mother and grandmother.
• Is Amber really allowing to this dude (an alleged child molester) to meet her daughter after only dating him a couple of weeks? Girl BYE!
• Ummmmm, Gary's friend, didn't ya boy meet his gf @ the Walmarts? STFU
• Gary, please stop wearing size xtra smedium t-shirts. Please and thank you.
  
• Damn, Macy has a big forehead too. *goes to the mirror to check mine*
• Hmmmm, giving a major side eye to Farrah's potential boo. Low v-neck t-shirt, hair stylist.........I'll wait until they go out on a date to see if my geighdar fully registers.
• Tyler, what does Carly turning one and your dad being in jail have to do with one another? #boystopreaching
• And now Amber is letting him stay with her huh? Not surprised. She's so misguided. I secretly hope he wrecks the car and\or steals it and doesn't come back. Is that wrong? Eh, I don't really care.
  
• Maci's dad's facial expression after she told her parents that she and Kyle broke up....PRICELESS.
  
• How is Maci paying for an apartment if she has no job? Parents, MTV or both? Hmmm.....
  
• Damn she (Maci) dyed her hair. What is up with this reality TV Ronald McDonald red hair? Kandi, Maci...who's next?
• Yeah, he's gay. I wonder if he knows it yet.
  
• Damn, baby's got the fivehead but she looks just like Tyler otherwise. She's a cutie.
  
• No Chester Chester didn't try and talk to dude about his kid!!!
• Really sweet watching Catelynn and Tyler hold Carly.
• Farrah you're getting cheap rent (on a huge house) and free babysitting and want to fuss about some damn paint and a rental application (which you would be expected to fill out with anyone else)??!! Deborah kick her ungrateful ass out!!
• Hmmmm, does Ryan really want the extra time to be with Bentley or just to hurt Maci?
• Amber, if you were that concerned with your child why didn't you just take her home with you? Nevermind, I'm glad you didn't. No need to have extra time with a molester.
• Is the show two hours tonight? I may not make it all the way through! LOL
• Farrah's mom need a face lift.
• Watching Farrah cry is painful....and not in the 'it hurts me to see her hurt' kind of way.
• What the hell kind of dead animal is that nailed up on the wall of Farrah's apartment??? LOL
• Well, I think it's pretty obvious that Amber and Chester Chester have done the do.
• Bwahahahahahahahaha, she got smashed by the door. I'm sorry but that tickled my pickle.
• So did Amber and Gary make up or what? She seriously needs to consider wearing water proof mascara.
  
• Yeah Maci, we (women) all know he was lying too.

I don't know about y'all but I thought the finale would never come. Not that I'm complaining but it just seems like this season went on foreveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer. Now, who's ready for the reunion show and 16 & Pregnant?!

Thoughts? DISCUSS!

Just for S&G's........................

AR Gal.....................

is missing her furbaby daddy something serious today.

And now for a musical selection and stuff............

Madonna - Crazy For You
- Watch more Entertainment Videos at Vodpod.

On the bright side......................

at least she won't have to ask where them dollas at.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that..............

• So I'm in Memphis....not quite bored to tears but I am ready to go home. What?! I didn't say this would be fun. Ah well, I must grin and bear it. :)
• My FB peeps already know this but no fancy cable=no Bravo network=I missed the RHOA season premiere last night (and will miss any and everything else on Bravo that I want to watch this week....and next). *drops two tears in a bucket*
• I've still got E! though so I can watch my beloved Chelsea Lately and Joan Rivers on Fashion Police. Both of those hags crack me up.
  
• Speaking of, hookers start hookin' early around these here parts and apparently are quite ambitious too. I stopped to get gas yesterday and witnessed the most bold act (my eyes have ever seen) of entrepreneurial spirit ever. Can you say tip drill?
  

And now for a musical selection.......

FB Chronicles.................

Between You and Silly Person*

Silly Person September 30

me and tim* is not cool like that,so please keep his updates bout his problem off my home page,thanks

AR Gal September 30

Was this really meant for me? I have no clue what you're talking about.

Silly Person September 30

his update was under your name,just saying...and we're friend on facebook

*me thinking trying to figure out what the devil this fool is talking about*

AR Gal September 30

I'm trying to picture this in my head. I tagged him earlier this week or last week...can't remember. At any rate, I can't promise it won't happen again (i.e. that I won't tag him in something else). If it is that troublesome to you it can be prevented by simply hiding my posts. :)

For the record it wasn't anything bad, it was actually something he and Turkey* are doing to help better our hometown. With all the murders B'ville has experienced as of late, I would think people would be excited about steps being taken to make a difference. I hope you contribute to the cause. I will be.

Silly Person September 30

Ok,u is my friend sweetie.


I honestly thought he had me confused with someone else when I first saw the message. I was quite tickled when I realized it was meant for me and he was so for real.

People take this FB ish way too seriously.

*-names have been changed to protect innocent and dumb

I'm so pissed.................

at my sister right now I could SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always known she was an idiot but she confirmed it for me this morning.

Long story short. After she (and my aunt (my mom's half sister)) spoke with the doctor yesterday afternoon, he explained what all he had done. During the conversation, he also explains that while the surgery was successful it wasn't necessarily needed (i.e. the situation wasn't as critical as it was made out to be). So now she and my aunt are thinking she did it for attention.

*SIGH*

Okay, whatever. My take? Well, it's done now. Right? Right. I got the impression from my mom that she felt it was needed so that's all I really needed to know.

My sister on the hand? Weeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll, she's mad at our mom for having the surgery and is refusing to take off work next week to sit with her (like we all agreed two weeks ago). She'd take the first full week, me the second and my oldest sister the third. After that, we figured she'd be at the half-way recovery mark so if the doc cleared it, she would come back down to our house and stay with us (in AR) for as long as she needed.

She claims since the cut was not horizontal versus vertical that it shouldn't take her as long to recover and that she would be fine as long as she wrapped some band around her stomach and moved around. And I quote, "As long as she doesn't get dizzy or anything, it will be okay. I had to do it, she can do it too".

o_O

And who prey tell will be there to know if she is you f'in MORON???????!!!!!!! And for the record, you were in your 20's....she's damn near SEVENTY YEARS OLD!!! BIG DIFFERENCE.....HUGE!

This was just one of many lame ass reasons she gave.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I don't want to speak with her again but I'm sure all three of us will be on the phone hashing it out this evening. I doubt if she'll change her mind so I'm sure I'll be working remotely from Memphis for two weeks straight since my other sister won't be able to maneuver as easily with three small kids.

Bottom line: she had the surgery, she needs to be looked after. Our relationship is far from perfect but when push comes to shove, she's still our mother.

As you can see, I needed to vent. And now for a musical selection...........

Mama update.........

Mama's out of surgery. Everything looks good and is more importantly BENIGN!!!!

Thank you Lord!!!

And thanks to all of you that left kind words and prayed on her behalf.