YouTube Foolishness: Run Tell Dat Edition

No words necessary.....



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Someone please call 9-1-1.................

I don't know if I've shared this with ya'll before (something tells me I have but I can't remember) but the local paper where I live has a police beat section. I usually read this daily due to the rise in crime (especially home burglaries) that have been occurring lately in this once oh so quiet town. So far, our neighborhood (and surrounding one's) has fared quite well. Everyone on our street gets along pretty well. We may not have close relationships with each other but we always speak and wave to each other as we pass down the street.

Anyway, so back to the paper. Like I said, this section keeps me up to date on crime and what not but sometimes there is something that makes me crack the hell up laughing catches me completely off guard. Take for example this little gem of a report:

Battery at 1155 Skyline Dr. (Walmart). Officers responded to a possible fight Thursday inside Walmart. The victim stated that she was in the checkout aisle with two friends and her sister. The victim said the man in front of them asked them a question. She thought he asked if they would like to go in front of him in line, and the victim responded, “yes.” The suspect became angry and told the victim he was going to “choke slam” her. The suspect allegedly punched the victim twice in the face. The pair were separated until officers arrived. The suspect told authorities that he was a secret agent and that it was illegal for someone to eavesdrop on his conversations. The suspect stated that he was having a conversation with someone in his head. When the suspect caught the victim listening to his conversation, he asked her if she was eavesdropping and she said, “yes.” The suspect said the voice told her that she had committed a crime and needed “to be dealt with.” The suspect was transported to the Faulkner County Detention Center.

This reminds me of a run-in I had with a crazy at that very same Wal...Mart back when I worked there during college. There was only one in town then and now we have two....ooooooooooooooo!!! Anyway, I was on lunch and decided to hit up the McD's in the back of the store for some food. After placing my order, I noticed this loud lady acting a fool pointing at random people screaming at them. Me being me, I just looked at her and rolled my eyes. Crazy lady notices me and proceeds to come my way. Awwwwwwwwww hell!!! I instantly started cussin' myself in my head for not looking the other way. I grab my car keys out of my pocket and position them between my middle and ring fingers just in case I had to stab a hoe defend myself. She was almost thisclose to me when sakurity came and saved my ass. LOL

I don't know why I didn't just leave. I suspect it had a lot to do with the fact that I was hungry.....and immature. At any rate, I learned my lesson.

And now for a musical selection...............................

Name that baby!!!!

OMG, I'm so hating blogger right now. Please excuse the janky font and spacing.

The local news station I watch in the morning loves to interact with their viewers via FB. Quite honestly, I think the morning team has one of the cushiest jobs ever. With only having to do a few interviews, a little weather, read the previous night’s news on the teleprompter and comments to questions they post on FB each day for a couple of hours, I’d say they’ve got it made.

One of the reporters on the show is pregnant with twins and is scheduled to give birth sometime today. So of course the FB topic today centers around babies, more specifically baby names.

Good morning! In honor of _________ set to give birth later today we are talking about baby names. A list of fastest rising baby names in America was just released. Tune into to To.da.y.s T-H--V This Morning at 5:40 to see what they are and we want to know the most unusual name you've ever heard. Do you have a child with an unusual name?

This topic piqued my interest as I had a love\hate (mostly hate) relationship with my uncommon name growing up. I used to curse my mom silently in my head (especially during my tween/early teen years) for giving me such an unusual name. The kids, with their mean asses, teased me mercifully. “Hey Woolite!”, they would say. (Go ahead and laugh.) “Why couldn’t she have named me Nicole, Melissa, Sarah, or Elizabeth?”, I asked. Hell, I would have been happy with Ann (or so I thought). Then I found out why she named me what she did. For those of you not in the know or that may not remember, my father passed away in a car accident right down the street from our house while my mom was pregnant with me. I found out later in life that she, not surprisingly, almost miscarried me. In order to honor my father, she decided to name me after him. Because there was no way of determining my sex (that I know of anyway) it was decided if I were a boy I would be a Jr. (of course) if I were a girl (insert my real name here).

Luckily, time has a way of sorting these things out. Even though my mom got the idea of my first name from a street sign in Memphis (no lie), I’ve grown to love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Some of the names on the list however? Not so much.

Here are some the unusual names and comments on the post that stood out to me:

Statia

Zing Lee

Typhne...(Tiff-nee not Tiffany) Their words not mine.

Christmas Snow

Iwon (this one made me crack up laughing)

Lexus Mercedes (her last name was also a car) Again, their words not mine. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess her last name is Ford. How dreadful.

Shanda Leir

Arieah Ozma Kaylieth

My great aunt was named Dewdrop. She married a man with the last name Snowball. So she was Dewdrop Snowball!

i went to school with a girl named Whiskey

I once new a girl named Merry Christmas

I know this family. Disney Land has a little brother named Ty Land. Sweet kiddos

I have a uncle named Theron, and a cousin named Booger, for real........

here is list for you of live children and I still can't believe their parent named them this: maryjuana
Conception
Hennesy
Fiancé
Chavoka

I’m not going to ask you to name any of the most unusual names you’ve ever heard but if the spirit moves you then so be it.

And now for a musical selection...............

I suck...............

So BBA numbers two and three made an impromptu visit with Granny (my mom) yesterday. The plan was for me to take my mom's car to the airport (she left it at the house so she wouldn't have to pay for parking) and they would ride out to Memphis. After speaking with her yesterday afternoon before the plane took off, I pretty much knew they would be staying the night. Apparently getting through security with two small children was enough to tire her out. Hell it would probably tire me out too.

After returning to the house, I got the kids fed and took them over to the school next door so they could play and run off some of their energy and excitement from seeing me the dogs. About 20 minutes in, BBA number three showed signs of extreme crankiness and crying. Now I don't know nothing about birthin' or raisin' no babies but I do know what that means in Mommyland. NAP/BEDTIME!! I told his big brother (BBA number two) he had about ten more minutes and we were heading back to the house. BBA number three's cries were getting louder (and quite honestly more embarrassing). Thank goodness only a few people were out there with us. Then, he wanted his mommy. Being the good Auntie I am, I pulled out my phone and called her. After listening to their conversation on speakerphone, it was pretty obvious that my big sister was more interested in her nap than her spawn's need for her. Imagine that! LOL

BBA number two headed over to the another piece of play equipment to enjoy the last few minutes and surprisingly BBA number three followed. I walked over to join them and BBA number three announces "I SUCK".

Me: No you don't. What would make you say that?

BBA number three: Aunt AR Gal, I suuuuuuuuuuck

Me: *thinking what the hell*

BBA number two: He's saying he's sick

Me: Really? How the h..... thanks for telling me.

Sooooooooooo, I go and ask him where it hurts and he points to his belly.

Me: Do you have to boo boo?

BBA number three: Yes I have to boo boo

Me: Okay, we're leaving now.

He then proceeds to hurl chunks of the dinner and ice cream he had eaten.

Me: *screaming on the inside* BBA number two, let's go.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd he hurls again with bigger chunks.

Me: *turning his body the opposite way while secretly praying, please don't get it on me, please don't get it on me, please don't get it on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Nothing on this planet is as gross to me than seeing someone throw up. I mean really, it's disgusting.

After Vomitgate, we haul ass back to the house. I want to pick him but (1) he's heavy and (2) I really don't want this kid blowing chunks down my back or worse...in my hair! I started to call Mistah but then thought better of it. What if he does it in the car? OMG, ew. Good thing we only live less than a quarter of a mile from the school. Once we got close enough, I put my big girl panties on and picked him up but not after asking five times if he had to throw up any more.

We made it back to the house without any further incident and BBA number two and three were promptly given a bath and put.to.bed.

If this is a preview of what's to come, I'm in trouble.

Update on the update and other shenanigans.........

Sooooooooo, I still haven't decided what kind of car I want (thanks for all your suggestions). I don't think I will truly start narrowing down my imaginary list until I get the check. Speaking of, turns out I don't own a dime on the car and got money back. The lien folks said it was because of finance charges and the warranty I purchased. They don't disclose this information unless your car is totaled. Ain't that a blip?! At any rate, I'm not complaining. I'm rejoicing!

I ended up having to go to the doc for back and neck pain. It's nothing major. The human body is amazing....that's all I know.

Mom, drove in Saturday for me to take her to the airport. She'll return with the boys Saturday and they'll head back to Memphis. Even if I haven't purchased a car by the time they are scheduled to come down getting a rental won't be a big deal now. YAY!

Ummmmmmmm, let's see what else. My boss's last day is this Friday. Ya'll already that but I felt it needed repeating. LOL

I didn't get the other job. No worries. Did I tell ya'll I was sitting up in that interview sweating like a banshee??!! LOL

What else? Nothing. That's it.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, bloggers lend me your eyes.....................

It's a done deal. I'm getting another car.

Let the official car search phuckery begin.

In the spirit of this journey I'm on let's make this fun. I want any and all car suggestions from you BUT there are a few stipulations.

• Four door vehicles only
• No drop tops
• Price....hmmmmmmmm do I want to limit the price. Yeah I do. Nothing over $20K.
• No humongous SUV's. Tires on those sap suckas are expensive!
  

Those are the basics. Once everything is said and done regarding the claim, we are going to try and make this process as quick and painless as possible. I'm ready to get back to my type of normal life.

Oh and if anyone mentions a pre-owned Pinto like Mistah did............................



And now for a musical selection

TOTALED (UPDATE)

So now I'm considering not accepting the total loss and just getting the thing fixed. My car is a bit older but I like it and it's mine......shitshoot. If I may be quite honest, I truly have issues with them taking ownership of it and benefiting (from the sale of the vehicle through salvage) from MY loss. I've paid money a good amount of money on it (and still owe just a bit). The more I digest and process my options, the more totaling it seems like I'd just be throwing money out of the window. That along with everything that comes with the car search process is really swaying my thoughts. We did a little parking lot window shopping Monday afternoon and OMG I got SO annoyed with the salesmen. I know they are just doing their job but when I say I'm just looking or I'm not buying a car today, my naive mind really expects them to respect that.

Anyway, the initial conversation with the folks at the repair shop stated that there is no structural damage to the vehicle just cosmetic. Now I just need to have another conversation with them verify that and with the insurance folks (both theirs and mind) about some other odds and ends. *sigh*

Emma just came to give me a kiss on the arm. I guess she senses my stress level is high and/or that I need to get some rest.

The journey continues...................................................

TOTALED....

Sooooo, the car is totaled. To say I'm in a phucked up mood is an understatement. I thought the car was going to be repaired until the other folks insurance company went to look at it and deemed it totaled. Granted I could still opt to have it repaired but that would be a whole 'nuther hassle with my car insurance making sure they would still insure it with complete coverage (not just liability).

We have a rental (for a little while longer) plus the other car but this has put a total wrench into future plans. Specifically when the boys come in August. Who knows if I'll even have another freaking car by then. Once the rental is gone, Mistah will still need it to go back and forth to work while the boys are here. What are the kids and I supposed to do? Play hide and seek until he comes back? *sigh* I could pay for a rental that week but guess what? I don't want to. They should have to pay but this bitch of a claims agent isn't budging.

I never knew the process of dealing with insurance companies could be so damn frustrating and stressful. You would think that since this wasn't my fault they would be kissing my ass. HA!

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The journey continues...............

YouTube Foolishness: Two Piece with a Biscuit Edition

Crack is still whack!

I captured this gem of a picture and decided to share it will all the lovely people of the world. Being a member of the flapjacks crew, I can sympathize with the fact that she has a flat ass (even though I would like to think mine has a bit more roundness and shape to it than this). I also share her wedgie pain as I too get the wedgie blues when I walk around the house in my shorts but guess what? I dig that shit out! What I cannot support, however, is her need to showcase these tragic traits so openly and willingly by tucking her shirt into some daggone capri yoga pants.

Where dey do dat at?

And now for a musical selection

Do you remember girl?

As a matter of fact, YES I DO! It’s a year later and we all (I guess) miss the legend that is, was and will always be Michael Joseph Jackson. Just like his music, his passing will go down as one of the most memorable events in my lifetime……as will his memorial service.

July 7, 2009. As long as I live I will never forget this date. Okay that’s a lie. I probably will because my brain memory function is about as useful as trying to eat steak with a spork.

Side note: Whoever said that you have to bear children to have ‘mom brain’ was wrong!!!!

So picture it. I’m sitting at work streaming the memorial service while trying to put on a good work front hoping and praying that I could make it through the entire service without anyone disturbing me. Everything was going well. I had the appropriate mix of misty eye and poker face. Then, Paris approached the microphone.

Say it with me: DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!

Right as she begins to speak who but none other than Sh’Nike approaches my desk. I truly think this is when I began to dislike her. She had just started working in our group and had a question about something or another. I quickly brushed her off by informing her I didn’t know and suggested that she go ask my boss. Yes, unprofessional I know but I really didn’t give a shit. I needed to hear Michael’s spawn speak! What I didn’t realize is that she would go ask her like right then. UGH!!!!

Paris begins her speech and my eyes start to water again. I tried holding back the tears but they just wouldn’t stop flowing. All of the sudden, I hear this loud clomping and see (through the reflection of my privacy screen) that that both Sh’Nike and my boss are headed to my desk. GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAT!!! Yeah, Yeah I know I asked for it. I grabbed a Kleenex, dabbed my eyes and bit my tongue to try and make myself stop crying. My boss asked a question and I turned to them with semi-watery eyes. I noticed that they were both looking at me rather strange, as if they wanted to ask if something was wrong but weren’t sure if they should. I sure as shinola wasn’t about to divulge the fact that I was abusing company time multi-tasking while watching the memorial service. I remember our conversation was brief but by that time Paris
was pretty much done.

After they left, I sent my friend that I had been chatting with an IM about what had just transpired. While she laughed at me, I sulked at the fact that I would have to wait for replays to listen to Paris in full. THE HORROR!

Funny thing is I don’t think I ever really knew what Sh’Nike wanted.

And now, of course, for a musical selection. The baddest video mine eyes hath ever seent!

Wrecks-N-Effect

Had a wreck after work today.

It wasn't my fault.

I'm fine but tired.

The car is not.....hopefully it's not totaled. It's probably tired too though.

Funny thing is I was listening to the traffic report list of other wrecks in the city right before my accident.

Life is funny, ain't it?

And now for a musical selection

Nothing comes close to the golden coast..........

especially the weather! I am almost tempted to move out to the Bay for that alone. Never mind the horrible unemployment rates and CA debt. That could be easily overlooked since you can wear a jacket in June.....IN JUNE!!!! I have longed for those breezy crisp days ever since I set foot back in Satan's lair (aka the south).

I am still a little tired from our time there but I had a lot of fun. The trip got off to an eventful start (Mistah would beg to differ I'm sure). After dropping the pups off at the kennel, I proceeded to drop his laptop on the ground after going through security.

If only he had remembered to take eh.ver.ree.ting out of his pockets like I told him instead of forgetting his wallet (which had some kind of magnet thingamajig in it) making him have to go through a separate screening it never would have happened. *exhales* As you can imagine, I was quite flustered having to corral all my crap and his crap together. Thanks to my flustererdness (shut up), I showed bad judgment by removing said laptop from the little gray bin and placing it on top of my suitcase while it was still on top of the roller things. Roller things moved and splat went the laptop. Oh and to the onlookers.....the loud gasps really didn't help.

To their credit, the TSA folks did make an attempt at trying to catch it before it hit the ground. There was a bit of physical damage but after I popped a couple of things back into place the only noticeable things are a couple of tiny weenie itsy-bitsy cracks. :D

GO MEAT!!!!!!

After making it the gate, we were informed that our flight would be delayed by an hour. This, of course, made us late to our connecting flight by a whopping 19 minutes which delayed our arrival into CA by two hours. FABOOSH!

As an aside, damn you SW Airlines! Ya'll know you could have held that f'in plane for us.......shit.

At any rate, we had a good time taking in the sites, visiting with Mistah's kin and made it there (and back) safe and sound. That's all that really matters.......oh and that I'm ready to go back for a visit.....or to live. :)

And now for a musical selection

Katy Perry - New Music - More Music Videos

Can you feel a brand new day?!!

I got the most AWESOME text message today from my work buddy.

*dramatic pause*











MY BOSS IS QUITTING!!!!!!!!!!!!







I SAID, MY BOSS IS QUITTING!!!!!!
























As most of you know, I can't stand her don't really care for her or her management style. I've often thought of this moment but never really thought it would actually happen. My grandmama always said that sometimes we have to smile even when we don't want to but this broad made it HARD! It's funny, I was just having a discussion with someone about how I wish she would just leave a few weeks ago and now......... *smiles* She'll be on vacay when I return to the office Monday (hopefully that plan hasn't changed). With any luck, I won't see her at all! HA!

In the words of my friend, "I can't wait to toast this shit!!!!"

And now for a musical selection

YouTube Foolishness: Wild Kingdom Edition

This video tickled my soul beyond compare this evening. I find it so odd that she was freaked out by a snake but danced with one a humongous one in 'From Dusk Til Dawn'. I guess it's safe to say the one in the movie was a fake.

Shouts out to LadyNayNay for informing me that the YouTube clip had been disabled so I could go find another.

And now for a musical selection

A little bit of this, a little bit of that…………..

• I still haven’t packed yet. Mistah on the other hand is all done with the exception of a few items.
• We leave Saturday.
• I’m trying to avoid checking my bag.
  
• Mistah was trying to take a hat and shorts for everyday of the week. o_0.
• Pair that ish down fool! Reduce, reuse and recycle!
• My cubicle neighbor (ie Sh'Nike) sent an email asking if I had an IM address through yahoo, google, etc that I could share with her.
• Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
• We sit right next to each other. Anything we need to communicate can be done face to face or via the company provided Outlook email accounts we have been assigned.
• I have yet to respond to her request and doubt if I will.
• I applied for another job internally this morning. It’s more in line with my previous work experience and completely separate from this team and business unit.
• I’m so burnt out on the village idiots entire group and am bored to death with my current position.
• I do hope I get it. I’m completely ready.
• Lord if you’re listening, you know I mean this.
• People are trying to convince me to throw a party for my nephew on his birthday while he’s in town.
• Ummmmmmmmm, no. His parents can handle that for him when he gets back home.
• No worries, I’m not a total hard heart! He will get cake, ice cream and have tons of fun that day.
• I had to come back to add on a couple of observations I made within the last hour.
• How do people jog in the middle of the day when it's 90+ degrees outside and humid?
• Better yet WHY do people do this?
• I just witnessed someone walk past my desk with a long sleeve turtleneck on.
• Did I mention it's 90+ degrees outside?
  

YouTube Foolishness: AARP Edition

Little Gem........

well actually her name is Bella but we didn't know that when we saw her yesterday. After battling a torrential downpour during our commute home, we pulled into the driveway to see two people (a repairman and a neighbor) in the yard with a little wet dog running around jumping on them. They asked if we knew whose dog it was. Me being the nosy aware neighbor that I am told everyone that had to be Junior our neighbors dog on the corner.

Mistah picked her up to talk to her (ya'll know he thinks he's dog whisperer o_O) and took a look at her privates.

Mistah: I thought you said Junior was a boy

Me: Hell I thought he...she was....SURPRISE!

He takes it up the street only discover that Junior is already at home (and is really a boy).

THE PLOT THICKENS!

He returns home with the known unknown and names her Chelsea Lately (you have to say like the guy that announces her name when the show starts) because he says she looks like a talk show host.

My man....gotta love him.

Anyway, I walked around the neighborhood hoping that someone would see her with me and come out to claim her. No dice but I did get a few offers to adopt her if no one came forward. Sweet! Fortunately for Bella the 'dog found' signs I made worked because as of 7 am, her owner called. Sweeter!

I'm sure Emma and Cochise will be thrilled to see her go. What?! You thought they'd be sad?

Click here

Homie was trying to pull the little dog syndrome and got checked something proper! LMAO Emma got to growlin' and Cochise...well he need only bark to scare the life out something. That lil beyotch ran so fast out of the room.......*tears*

At any rate, it was fun while it lasted (with the exception of her crying in the kennel last night annnnnnnnnnnd this morning as we left the house) but I'm glad she's going home.

Bella........we'll holla!

And now for a musical selection

TOTALLY BUMMED!!!

The comedy show with Tracy Morgan & Lavelle Crawford has been CANCELED!!!! *tears*

I was so looking forward this weekend. No worries though. We're still going to M-town because:
(1) I want to see my mama
(2) she wants to go to the casino (I'll be taking my standard 20 bones and then I'm OUT!)
(3) I want some crab legs from Joe's Crab Shack (Random thought...I really wish they would open up a Cheesecake Factory in Memphis or Little Rock)
(4) I need to pick up some shea butter and black soap from the flea market thingamajig they have

All is not lost as we'll be headed out to Cali in a couple of weeks. We'll visit with Mistah's big sis, nieces, and take in the sights and sounds of the Bay area. Then if that wasn't enough, Billy Bad Ass numbers 2 & 3, otherwise known as my nephews, will be back in the natural state a little later in the summer making a repeat appearance at Aunt AR Gal's crib of De La Soul (and beat-downs if you test me). I'm thinking about going to get BBA #1 (my oldest nephew) and my niece (they stay with their dad in AR during the summer) while the younger one's are here to keep them entertained when I don't feel like being bothered.

All in all not bad but I still want to go to that damn comedy show. *sigh*

Big Pimpin

Jersey City Society Hill pimp is sentenced to 18 years in prison

Read the story here

I have SO many thoughts, questions and concerns running rampant through my head about this man right now. Some of which are:

1. How much pro-con gel was used to create that splendiferous hairstyle?
2. Why did he choose a twisted up piece of yarn to use as a 'ponytail'?
3. How did he get said 'ponytail' to stay put?
4. Can you really call those finger waves?
5. Who told him that shit was cute?
6. With waves like that, who needs the ocean?!
7. I don't swim but suddenly have a strong desire to go surfing.
8. How is he pulling anything other than Rasputia's?
9. He lyin!
10. I need to see pictures of his hoes STAT!
11. Don't drop the soap!

Be sure to check out the photo slide show at the bottom of the story. If you haven't laughed today..............

And now for a musical selection!