YouTube Foolishness: Two Piece with a Biscuit Edition

Crack is still whack!

I captured this gem of a picture and decided to share it will all the lovely people of the world. Being a member of the flapjacks crew, I can sympathize with the fact that she has a flat ass (even though I would like to think mine has a bit more roundness and shape to it than this). I also share her wedgie pain as I too get the wedgie blues when I walk around the house in my shorts but guess what? I dig that shit out! What I cannot support, however, is her need to showcase these tragic traits so openly and willingly by tucking her shirt into some daggone capri yoga pants.

Where dey do dat at?

And now for a musical selection

Do you remember girl?

As a matter of fact, YES I DO! It’s a year later and we all (I guess) miss the legend that is, was and will always be Michael Joseph Jackson. Just like his music, his passing will go down as one of the most memorable events in my lifetime……as will his memorial service.

July 7, 2009. As long as I live I will never forget this date. Okay that’s a lie. I probably will because my brain memory function is about as useful as trying to eat steak with a spork.

Side note: Whoever said that you have to bear children to have ‘mom brain’ was wrong!!!!

So picture it. I’m sitting at work streaming the memorial service while trying to put on a good work front hoping and praying that I could make it through the entire service without anyone disturbing me. Everything was going well. I had the appropriate mix of misty eye and poker face. Then, Paris approached the microphone.

Say it with me: DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!

Right as she begins to speak who but none other than Sh’Nike approaches my desk. I truly think this is when I began to dislike her. She had just started working in our group and had a question about something or another. I quickly brushed her off by informing her I didn’t know and suggested that she go ask my boss. Yes, unprofessional I know but I really didn’t give a shit. I needed to hear Michael’s spawn speak! What I didn’t realize is that she would go ask her like right then. UGH!!!!

Paris begins her speech and my eyes start to water again. I tried holding back the tears but they just wouldn’t stop flowing. All of the sudden, I hear this loud clomping and see (through the reflection of my privacy screen) that that both Sh’Nike and my boss are headed to my desk. GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAT!!! Yeah, Yeah I know I asked for it. I grabbed a Kleenex, dabbed my eyes and bit my tongue to try and make myself stop crying. My boss asked a question and I turned to them with semi-watery eyes. I noticed that they were both looking at me rather strange, as if they wanted to ask if something was wrong but weren’t sure if they should. I sure as shinola wasn’t about to divulge the fact that I was abusing company time multi-tasking while watching the memorial service. I remember our conversation was brief but by that time Paris
was pretty much done.

After they left, I sent my friend that I had been chatting with an IM about what had just transpired. While she laughed at me, I sulked at the fact that I would have to wait for replays to listen to Paris in full. THE HORROR!

Funny thing is I don’t think I ever really knew what Sh’Nike wanted.

And now, of course, for a musical selection. The baddest video mine eyes hath ever seent!

Wrecks-N-Effect

Had a wreck after work today.

It wasn't my fault.

I'm fine but tired.

The car is not.....hopefully it's not totaled. It's probably tired too though.

Funny thing is I was listening to the traffic report list of other wrecks in the city right before my accident.

Life is funny, ain't it?

And now for a musical selection

Nothing comes close to the golden coast..........

especially the weather! I am almost tempted to move out to the Bay for that alone. Never mind the horrible unemployment rates and CA debt. That could be easily overlooked since you can wear a jacket in June.....IN JUNE!!!! I have longed for those breezy crisp days ever since I set foot back in Satan's lair (aka the south).

I am still a little tired from our time there but I had a lot of fun. The trip got off to an eventful start (Mistah would beg to differ I'm sure). After dropping the pups off at the kennel, I proceeded to drop his laptop on the ground after going through security.

If only he had remembered to take eh.ver.ree.ting out of his pockets like I told him instead of forgetting his wallet (which had some kind of magnet thingamajig in it) making him have to go through a separate screening it never would have happened. *exhales* As you can imagine, I was quite flustered having to corral all my crap and his crap together. Thanks to my flustererdness (shut up), I showed bad judgment by removing said laptop from the little gray bin and placing it on top of my suitcase while it was still on top of the roller things. Roller things moved and splat went the laptop. Oh and to the onlookers.....the loud gasps really didn't help.

To their credit, the TSA folks did make an attempt at trying to catch it before it hit the ground. There was a bit of physical damage but after I popped a couple of things back into place the only noticeable things are a couple of tiny weenie itsy-bitsy cracks. :D

GO MEAT!!!!!!

After making it the gate, we were informed that our flight would be delayed by an hour. This, of course, made us late to our connecting flight by a whopping 19 minutes which delayed our arrival into CA by two hours. FABOOSH!

As an aside, damn you SW Airlines! Ya'll know you could have held that f'in plane for us.......shit.

At any rate, we had a good time taking in the sites, visiting with Mistah's kin and made it there (and back) safe and sound. That's all that really matters.......oh and that I'm ready to go back for a visit.....or to live. :)

And now for a musical selection

Katy Perry - New Music - More Music Videos

Can you feel a brand new day?!!

I got the most AWESOME text message today from my work buddy.

*dramatic pause*











MY BOSS IS QUITTING!!!!!!!!!!!!







I SAID, MY BOSS IS QUITTING!!!!!!
























As most of you know, I can't stand her don't really care for her or her management style. I've often thought of this moment but never really thought it would actually happen. My grandmama always said that sometimes we have to smile even when we don't want to but this broad made it HARD! It's funny, I was just having a discussion with someone about how I wish she would just leave a few weeks ago and now......... *smiles* She'll be on vacay when I return to the office Monday (hopefully that plan hasn't changed). With any luck, I won't see her at all! HA!

In the words of my friend, "I can't wait to toast this shit!!!!"

And now for a musical selection

YouTube Foolishness: Wild Kingdom Edition

This video tickled my soul beyond compare this evening. I find it so odd that she was freaked out by a snake but danced with one a humongous one in 'From Dusk Til Dawn'. I guess it's safe to say the one in the movie was a fake.

Shouts out to LadyNayNay for informing me that the YouTube clip had been disabled so I could go find another.

And now for a musical selection

A little bit of this, a little bit of that…………..

• I still haven’t packed yet. Mistah on the other hand is all done with the exception of a few items.
• We leave Saturday.
• I’m trying to avoid checking my bag.
  
• Mistah was trying to take a hat and shorts for everyday of the week. o_0.
• Pair that ish down fool! Reduce, reuse and recycle!
• My cubicle neighbor (ie Sh'Nike) sent an email asking if I had an IM address through yahoo, google, etc that I could share with her.
• Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
• We sit right next to each other. Anything we need to communicate can be done face to face or via the company provided Outlook email accounts we have been assigned.
• I have yet to respond to her request and doubt if I will.
• I applied for another job internally this morning. It’s more in line with my previous work experience and completely separate from this team and business unit.
• I’m so burnt out on the village idiots entire group and am bored to death with my current position.
• I do hope I get it. I’m completely ready.
• Lord if you’re listening, you know I mean this.
• People are trying to convince me to throw a party for my nephew on his birthday while he’s in town.
• Ummmmmmmmm, no. His parents can handle that for him when he gets back home.
• No worries, I’m not a total hard heart! He will get cake, ice cream and have tons of fun that day.
• I had to come back to add on a couple of observations I made within the last hour.
• How do people jog in the middle of the day when it's 90+ degrees outside and humid?
• Better yet WHY do people do this?
• I just witnessed someone walk past my desk with a long sleeve turtleneck on.
• Did I mention it's 90+ degrees outside?
  

YouTube Foolishness: AARP Edition

Little Gem........

well actually her name is Bella but we didn't know that when we saw her yesterday. After battling a torrential downpour during our commute home, we pulled into the driveway to see two people (a repairman and a neighbor) in the yard with a little wet dog running around jumping on them. They asked if we knew whose dog it was. Me being the nosy aware neighbor that I am told everyone that had to be Junior our neighbors dog on the corner.

Mistah picked her up to talk to her (ya'll know he thinks he's dog whisperer o_O) and took a look at her privates.

Mistah: I thought you said Junior was a boy

Me: Hell I thought he...she was....SURPRISE!

He takes it up the street only discover that Junior is already at home (and is really a boy).

THE PLOT THICKENS!

He returns home with the known unknown and names her Chelsea Lately (you have to say like the guy that announces her name when the show starts) because he says she looks like a talk show host.

My man....gotta love him.

Anyway, I walked around the neighborhood hoping that someone would see her with me and come out to claim her. No dice but I did get a few offers to adopt her if no one came forward. Sweet! Fortunately for Bella the 'dog found' signs I made worked because as of 7 am, her owner called. Sweeter!

I'm sure Emma and Cochise will be thrilled to see her go. What?! You thought they'd be sad?

Click here

Homie was trying to pull the little dog syndrome and got checked something proper! LMAO Emma got to growlin' and Cochise...well he need only bark to scare the life out something. That lil beyotch ran so fast out of the room.......*tears*

At any rate, it was fun while it lasted (with the exception of her crying in the kennel last night annnnnnnnnnnd this morning as we left the house) but I'm glad she's going home.

Bella........we'll holla!

And now for a musical selection

TOTALLY BUMMED!!!

The comedy show with Tracy Morgan & Lavelle Crawford has been CANCELED!!!! *tears*

I was so looking forward this weekend. No worries though. We're still going to M-town because:
(1) I want to see my mama
(2) she wants to go to the casino (I'll be taking my standard 20 bones and then I'm OUT!)
(3) I want some crab legs from Joe's Crab Shack (Random thought...I really wish they would open up a Cheesecake Factory in Memphis or Little Rock)
(4) I need to pick up some shea butter and black soap from the flea market thingamajig they have

All is not lost as we'll be headed out to Cali in a couple of weeks. We'll visit with Mistah's big sis, nieces, and take in the sights and sounds of the Bay area. Then if that wasn't enough, Billy Bad Ass numbers 2 & 3, otherwise known as my nephews, will be back in the natural state a little later in the summer making a repeat appearance at Aunt AR Gal's crib of De La Soul (and beat-downs if you test me). I'm thinking about going to get BBA #1 (my oldest nephew) and my niece (they stay with their dad in AR during the summer) while the younger one's are here to keep them entertained when I don't feel like being bothered.

All in all not bad but I still want to go to that damn comedy show. *sigh*

Big Pimpin

Jersey City Society Hill pimp is sentenced to 18 years in prison

Read the story here

I have SO many thoughts, questions and concerns running rampant through my head about this man right now. Some of which are:

1. How much pro-con gel was used to create that splendiferous hairstyle?
2. Why did he choose a twisted up piece of yarn to use as a 'ponytail'?
3. How did he get said 'ponytail' to stay put?
4. Can you really call those finger waves?
5. Who told him that shit was cute?
6. With waves like that, who needs the ocean?!
7. I don't swim but suddenly have a strong desire to go surfing.
8. How is he pulling anything other than Rasputia's?
9. He lyin!
10. I need to see pictures of his hoes STAT!
11. Don't drop the soap!

Be sure to check out the photo slide show at the bottom of the story. If you haven't laughed today..............

And now for a musical selection!

Early morning dialogue……………………

Mistah: Do you think they sell promiscuous olive oil?

Me: What?

Mistah: Do you think they sell promiscuous olive oil?

Me: Negro, what the hell are you talking about? And who is they?

Mistah: The stores… do.you.think.they.sell.promiscuous.olive.oil?

Me: I don’t know. What the hell is promiscuous olive oil?

Mistah: Well, there’s extra virgin olive oil so I was just wondering if someone sells promiscuous olive oil.

Me: I…….you…….just stop.

And now for a musical selection

YouTube Foolishness:Pedophile Edition

While it's obvious these kids have talent, I have a serious problem with their outfits, choice of certain dance moves, lack of good judgement used by any and all adults involved and YES that damn song. When are folks gonna learn to stop putting their kids on display for pervs? It just ain't kosher for kids reading hickory dickory dock to gyrate like this.

LEGENDARY

Well done Lena....well done.



I found this site while looking for a picture I would like to use. I love these pictures and thought I would share.

YouTube Foolishness: Motor Vehicle Edition

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

SAKURATY!!!!!!!!!

I've been in a two day (all day) planning session with my business unit. I don't know about you but I LOATHE these things.

One because it last alllllllllllllllll day long which is taxing and draining to my spirit and overall mental capacity. My attention span is super duper short so I tend to zone out after about oh say the first hour. I personally think it's better that these sessions be held in a series of half days during morning hours. It's been my experience that productivity decreases HEAVILY after lunch. Ask me how I know.

Two. People that don't know when to shut the hell up. You know the ones. The people that don't realize that it's time to move on BUT love to hear themselves talk so much that they just have to ask a question or make a comment when it's obvious (by the silence in the room) that no one has anything else to contribute to the topic at hand.

Three. SAKURATY!!! In addition to having the meeting off site (which I've been told is good at helping groups focus.....it does nothing for me), our head honcho decided it would be a good idea for us to power off of cells and put them in a box appropriately titled 'cellphone box'. Okay cool, I'll roll with it but don't get mad if I keep asking what time it is since my cellphone is my watch. K? Thanks.

If the box wasn't enough, he designated one of our team members as 'cell phone security' that was given strict orders to only release our phones during breaks. Ummm yeah whatever. It wasn't so much that he assigned someone but who. Sh'Nike!!! You remember her....crazy stalker chick on my team. UGH!!!!!! While I commend her steadfastness she took this shit a little to seriously.

Example 1: Yesterday I asked where the box was....ya know so I could just go and grab my phone when it was time for lunch. Her response? "Oh I hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid them and will issue them out when it is time for us to eat."

GIRL BYE!!!!!!!!!

Example 2: This morning while waiting on everyone to arrive, I was on my phone surfing the web and all that jazz. We still had about 10 minutes or so before we began. There were only handful of us in the room including Sh'Nike. I guess she was bored because while I was in the middle of 'liking' someone's status on FB doing something really important this trollop comes over and stands in front of me with that box. I look up, she smiles and nudges the box my way.

Me:*BLANK STARE*

Sh'Nike: Your phone?

Me: *in my head*

Me: *in reality* We haven't begun the session. I'll place it in the box then.

Sh'Nike: But he put me in charge................

Me: Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

GIRL GOOD-BYE AND GOODNIGHT!

And yes, I did laugh in her face and so did the guy next to me. Actually he kind of just snickered but I digress. Seriously though......how does one reply to that. Words would not have done it justice. And they wonder why I don't ever want to go to happy hour with them. *smh*

YouTube Foolishness: Pageant Edition

If it wasn't for the mc, dress and stage 'decorations', I would swear this chick was at a karaoke bar. Has she even heard this song before??? What beat was she on?

I'd hate to see her dance.

Sashay Shontae!

As the wig comes off (around the 57 second mark)

Mistah: Is that a DUDE?????!!!!!

Me: (CTHU) Yep

Mistah: Bwahahahahahaha What the hell is this America's Next Top Drag Queen?

Me: Stop it!

When RuPaul starts talking about her wig (around the 1:36 mark)

Mistah damn near falls on the ground laughing.

About ten minutes later I start fidgeting with my headscarf because it wasn't acting right if you will. Then I hear him say, "Just relax for now AR Gal. We gone get your scarf back on your head and everything is gonna be alright".

*DEAD*

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

TRACY MORGAN

+

LAVELL CRAWFORD

=

FUN FUN FUN!!!!!!

Mistah and I are going to check these talented comedians out at the end of May. I heard the announcement on one of the Memphis radio stations this morning and quickly picked up the phone to call him. I received a resounding 'HELL YEAH!!!' when I asked if he wanted to go. :) With this combination, I'm pretty sure I will piss myself a couple of times so I think I'll buy a package of Poise Pads just to be on the safe side.

They will be at the DeSoto County Civic Center (in Southaven, MS right outside of Memphis) May 29th if you're interested.